Hello SpinBunny,

Because your trainer has a girlfriend, your obsession with him is unhealthy. Like any addiction, it’s important to identify triggers and avoid them. The trainer is a trigger for you. As Matt stated, it’s time to find another trainer. Practicing mindfulness meditation can serve as a potent comping mechanism. It will give you the mental discipline to intercept and block thoughts about him.

I also encourage you to think about your trainer’s girlfriend. She’s probably a kind, decent person. If you were in her shoes, would you be comfortable with your boyfriend behavior’s toward one of his clients? And if he’s such a great guy, wouldn’t you think he would have established firmer boundaries?

Additional food for thought: We don’t really know someone until we’ve been through thick and thin with them. Right now, what you share with your trainer is chemistry, physical attraction, and fantasies. For instance, do you know for a fact if he’s the type that would stick by his lover and be her caregiver if she became crippled?

In Kindness,

Bill