Hello David,

I’m sorry you’re going through such pain. I do know how horrible it can feel.

You say that you’ve done some self improvement after the first heartbreak, but what about some actual self nurturing? Instead of approaching the situation from an intellectual point of view, trying to comprehend the pain and the anxiety, why not just full on love yourself? Give yourself care and nurture yourself like someone who really needs to feel loved.

What struck me from your writing was that with the first girl, you saw her as someone who you loved, but denied it from yourself and ended it all in a dramatic fashion. With the second girl, she was the one who filled you with love and care, and you started to love that, even though there wasn’t romantic chemistry there at first. Now she’s not there to care for you, so you’re empty again.

You don’t have to outsource love and care, and as a result be addicted and dependent on those people. You can love yourself, care for yourself, nurture yourself and allow yourself to feel a range of emotions. There also doesn’t have to be some kind of on/off switch with allowing people to get close to you or allowing yourself to feel something for others. It is not reasonable to expect another person to provide for your emotional needs for the rest of your life 24/7. Right now it looks as if you’ve decided that it’s all or nothing. It is understandable in the case that you don’t do any self care. We all need to feel loved and accepted, and it has to come from somewhere. It just doesn’t have to all come from other people. They can love you in addition to the love that you give yourself, and then it’s going to feel like an abundance of love!

There are different meditation techniques that you can use to allow yourself to feel more loved, or simply do things like walk in nature and open up your senses and take it all in, soothing your soul.

You don’t have to fight the pain that you are feeling now. It’ll go away naturally when you start receiving again what you need…from yourself. Right now it is like you are denying yourself nourishment and trying to get rid of the hunger pangs by denying yourself food and torturing yourself over the fact that you allowed yourself to eat a while ago. Does that make sense?