For a moment, don’t worry about what other people think of you. Just focus on yourself and only yourself. In order to find self-acceptance and understanding, you need to allow yourself to be who you are, without trying to be something so that others would react to you. Does that make sense?

You are kind of like stuck in this mindset where you want something, but you sabotage yourself before you even get started. Then you can blame yourself for it and feel even worse, and react to it yet again, and the cycle continues. Like two sides of yourself, your heart and your mind, constantly arguing with each other: the mind blaming the heart and the heart crying and getting emotional. Unfortunately you are the only one who can solve that. Others can only try to offer help and support, but ultimately it is you who has to intervene. Summon that inner strength, that inner higher power, that will allow you to see compassionately what is going on within you. Give yourself the peace and care that you need.