Hello Jessica and Jasmine–thank you so much for your input.

To clarify a little, this work I’m referring to is a team of artists on a creative project. Therefore, 80% of the decisions we make are based on “opinion” rather than fact. The difficulty becomes agreeing on the opinions and collaborating.

That doesn’t change the validity of what you are offering–it’s very helpful. I seem to have creative differences with a couple of team members who I do respect, but at points just can’t get on board with their ideas. And they seem to feel the same way about mine. It feels like I have caused a good deal of tension in recent months in pushing for my opinions–which have the backing of other team members, just not these two at times. And I don’t want to do that anymore, but I seem to default to simply not offering opinions. It feels disingenuous, but I would rather do that than offer something I feel strongly about.

And my intense resentment is with a separate team member over personality differences and–I fully admit it–territorial issues on my part. We are required to collaborate very closely, and I feel threatened on several levels. My ego stamp is all over it. She has not really *done* anything to me except annoy me from time to time–everything else is mostly circumstantial. But I feel replaced and unnecessary–even that’s not really true, but it’s where my chatter goes. And as a result, it takes great effort to maintain civility with her, and I really need to get past it. That’s why I’m taking these steps.

Yes, I have fear now of offering opinions. I have fear of losing my “status” as a respected long-timer. I have fear that I am old and replaceable. And I now have fear that my fears are going to end up destroying everything I’ve worked for with this group.

Yep. Fear.

Your comments about stopping to breathe are well-taken. I’ve had such knee-jerk reactions at times that I’m questioning my ability to remember to do that. I know this will all take time and lots of practice. I feel like such a baby.

Thank you again.