After a breakup, people go through six stages of recovery: 1) Denial, 2) Anger 3) Bargaining, 4) Depression, 5) Acceptance, 6) Recovery.

Bargaining is the stage where most people get stuck. This is the place that determines if you will be heartbroken for a few days or many years. When you bargain, you still allow yourself to hope. Daydreaming and thinking about your ex is a symptom. Asking her to give it another chance is a symptom. Listening to music that reminds you of her and stokes the flames, is a symptom. Looking at caller i.d. and hoping it is her, is a symptom. As long as you hold onto an unrealistic hope that you will get back together, you will suffer.

Have you ever had an addiction you had to give up? I remember when I quit smoking cigarettes…it helped me to think of cigarettes as an ex-boyfriend that I loved very much, but who was absolutely terrible to me. Quitting smoking was my number one job for a while. Getting over an old love is very much like that. There is, if you are honest, a certain perverse pleasure that comes from thoughts of the past. Often, it is not the person that we miss (if we are honest and have a good memory of all the pain we went through when we were together) but we miss the physical high we felt (because of elevated hormones, PEA, serotonin) or even the physical “high” we get through experiencing stress and drama.

Thinking about your ex every day is part of that addiction. You will naturally think of her, but it is within your power to choose whether or not you will nourish those thoughts by giving in to them. Yes, you’ll still feel like hell at first, but, give it time, you will feel better. Remember, emotions are not real…they come through you but do not stay. Love is much much more than emotion.

Remember, most of this is coming from your subconscious. It wouldn’t hurt to try some self-hypnosis tapes…there are many on this subject.

One very simple thing that can help is to make a list of, say, ten things that give you pleasure (obviously, not involving your ex.) It could be a thought of a person, place, activity, memory. Maybe you could plan your dream vacation, build your own mental castle, write a novel in your head. Give it some thought ahead of time, then when unwanted thoughts come into your head, gently push them away and replace with one of your happy thoughts.

Sending you love and light!