Hi lil.lily,

I can understand somewhat – at the foundation I think – because I had some abuse as a child, and then a few years ago I tolerated an emotionally abusive relationship for a while before I ended it. She was repeatedly accusing me of cheating, and she would get really nasty after a couple drinks. Nuclear fights. Awful. She had issues that caused her to do these things – probably abuse in her past – and without getting through her own recovery she was perpetuating abuse herself.

Really and truly, as others have said above, you need to focus on building up your self esteem, and reject any abuse that may start to come your way in the future. That means identifying it and stopping it immediately. That also means reframing yourself as a healthy person. Yes, you had some abuse, but that does not define you. I know this is easier said and read than done having lived it.

My advice is to take action and think and feel that you are healthy. You become what you believe and what you do. Rather than list what this means, I offer you the question to pursue: what do I do to be healthy? Go find out and do these things.

Big blue