Sultana,

In addition to inky’s heartfelt wisdom, also consider that the son deserves a sanctuary, time to breathe, find himself, and grow. Fathers often would do anything for their kids, and for example, if you were you to come at me in such a way, it would be very difficult to see your side. Like, if you were to come to me with pain, but start by chopping off my feet, there would be little of your pain discussed, because my pain would be too loud for me to see much of anything else.

That being said, your anger and stress at the situation is understandable, you work hard and wish to have that warm safe space. Anger won’t build that, however. With him, or inside you. Consider reading “Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames” by Thich Nhat Hanh. When we can do something different with our anger, our creativity is rekindled, letting us do more skillful things with our desires. Said differently, perhaps if you hadn’t been enraged, you two could have addressed and met your needs without the hatred or combat.

From another direction, why couldn’t you just join them in their joy? If they were happy, making delicious food, and laughing, couldn’t you just grab a plate and dig in? Let go of the 12 hours of work and relax and play? What prevented you? Jealousy? Seeing imbalance?

With warmth,
Matt