I think you were right to not give him another another chance. And I think his response to that demonstrates that very well.

I’ve recently ended a relationship that wasn’t working, and I too wish he was coping better than he is. He doesn’t have much support, having leaned on me too much for too long. But I feel that the solution to that is not to let him lean on me some more. He’s got to stand on his own, and I think your guy has to stand on his own, too.

On top of that, I’ve never been choked to blacking out or ended up with broken ribs. Even if he was hurting you during sex rather than during a fight, that’s still abusive. You made it clear you weren’t up for that. And blacking out is serious shit. You could have ended up with brain damage from him doing that. That is not ok.

I know you want to do what’s best for him. That’s noble, but I think you should also consider the risk to you of any action. Specifically, the risk of slipping back into the ways of thinking that made you let him get away with that stuff. Sometimes it’s OK to do what’s best for you, first. Remember to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs.

And with that I don’t even think it’s necessarily good for him to continue to see you and talk to you. As long as he has in his mind that he may get you back and things will be hunky dory like they were, he won’t take the necessary steps to be able to look after himself, build a support network, get his issues sorted so he can treat a woman properly, etc.

So basically, let him go. It’s not your job to look after him anymore. I know it hurts like hell but you can’t look after him, now. You can only drag the two of you into complication and drama.

My best wishes to both of you.