and besides louise, what gives you right to judge that girl, by saying that “she has no morals”? you know NOTHING about her. Yes, we don’t message each other, as frequently as, before her departure but distance and living in totally different time zones, takes a toll. She might be not, as flirtarious as, she was almost 4 months ago, but afterall it doesn’t necessairly prove that she has no longer interest in me. It has been a really long time, we haven’t seen each other in person. Still, she seems to be happy that we will meet again soon. And she’s not even interested whether I’ve got that job or not.

It’s just a voice in my head, that’s making up stories. And I recognize that this stories are not necessairly true. But somehow they still have got power over me. Irrational fear that being jobless, will make me unworthy and unlovable in her eyes. I just want to quiet that voice in my head but I don’t know how!

I was raised in family where my father is an extremly workaholic. Since my earliest school days, I was forced to involve myself in various groups, shows and other additional activities, just to avoid being “idle” and stay “active” all the time. The message I got from that time is: “I’m accepted when I’m busy and have stuff to do”. Besides, my mother always said to me how girls envy and like such type of man, becouse they feel safe with him and that she decided to be with my father becouse of his qualities (hardworking person).

That’s why situation, where I’m in love and stay unemployed, is such extremly uncomfortable for me.