Rozay,

I’m sorry for your guilty and shameful feelings, and can understand how mistakes can pull heavy on the heart. Consider that trust wasn’t present in that moment already, its not something you brought with your deception. Said differently, if you had trusted yourself enough to be honest, perhaps it would have gone much differently. Clearly, your lies were defensive, perhaps you felt trapped or confused? No biggie, whatever it was. Welcome to the planet. You squeeked out of tune, it happens.

With the fallout, though, such as the leftover feelings of discomfort… consider that even if they’re tied to the past, seeing through the mistake, learning the lesson, letting it go, is all still available. Such as accepting you didn’t trust you could handle what being honest would have brought you, so you lied. Which made it worse, really, left a bitter aftertaste. But, you survived the worse of the two, no biggie, so perhaps the honest path is one you could handle no sweat, too? Then, when you see your reflection again, you’ll know you at least sung your heart out, told your side as best you could.

With warmth,
Matt

I am so sorry, I think it is a very hard thing to be disappointed with yourself. This being said, you must learn to forgive yourself as you would want others to forgive you. Don’t judge yourself by your past…you do not live there anymore. The very fact that this bothers you so much shows you are growing in integrity and character, some lessons are hard to learn, now you know what not to to, lesson learned.
Best wishes
Sherry