You’ve done well in identifying so clearly the thought patterns that you are having and your response to such feelings.

When reading your post I also had the thought that you are worrying about whether your partner compares you to people he hooked up with in the past. Your words convey that in fact it is you are comparing yourself to these people (you don’t even know whether he does, whether he would take on board any thoughts from it if he did so, and if he does on the odd occasion- the nature of the comparison). Perhaps a part of your journey could be to work on identifying for yourself the ‘beauty’ that you hold at an internal and external level- I’m very sure there you carry an enormous amount of beauty- for a start, your post suggests that you value being present in a relationship- you might agree with me that this is a beautiful aim to hold.

Become aware of when you are comparing yourself to these people from his past might also be useful- come up with a way to have a laugh about it if you can. If I remember correctly from ideas from the ACT training approach (Acceptance and Commitment Training), one suggestion for working on ruminative thoughts is to come up with a way to have a laugh about it, e.g. you could say ‘I’m comparing myself again’ in a ridiculously strange voice. It’s not meant to be flippant on the worries, but is a way to help work through the habit of going over and over something.

I guess the reality is that relationships always carry a suite of uncertainties. The risks that we take in the face of these uncertainties are our own choices to make, and these choices (whichever we decide upon) are our own to embrace.

Best wishes