You are not alone. I am going through something extremely similar. The only difference for me, is this woman is still in my life. Of course there is the old adage that the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. This is very true. If you are feelings are at all similar to mine, the great hate and desire for suffering comes with a great love for this woman as well. We are capable of feeling both at the same time. I loved the woman I thought she was, who she portrayed herself to be, intentional or unintentional. I still love that woman and who she had the potential to be both in her life and in mine. I always will. I hate what she has revealed herself to be–or again, at least my impression of it. I suspect the truth is a mixture of both. I can’t find forgiveness for what was taken from me and what I view was done to the person I loved by this person I perceive. I wish us both luck.