Hi Chil,

it is difficult to give you simple steps to follow since you gave us no detailed description of your old love, your family and what you are doing in life now. However, I can try to give you some advices.

First of all try to think about what your old love meant to you. Why did you want to stay with him? What did you like about it? Maybe you made plans for the future together, maybe you loved that he was close to you, maybe you loved what he used to say and do, maybe you just loved the idea of an everlasting love. Once you answered this question, ask yourself whether you can find these things you miss in the current life. Can’t you make the same plans with your husband? Can’t you imagine your husband has been always the one who was close to you? Can’t you look at your husband and appreciate what he says and do? Can’t you say that after all since you have now an happy family, this is the love that was meant to be, not that old one you spent great effort on and was not acknowledged enough by the other party?
As Inky suggested, try also to recall what did not work in your previous relationship, what made you sad about it and why you left each other. Imagine how those things would have made your life now if your old love was your husband. I’m sure things won’t be as blissful as you imagined in the past. Those you have are fake memories of a brilliant future you never had, they are not something real, nothing tells you you would have been as happy as you believed to.
Moreover, since you broke up, five years passed. Your old love is dead, is changed, is no more the man he was. Your old love does not exist anymore in the present. You old love would not exist even if you and your ex were still together, because you both would have changed. Consider that this was the path of your change, to be apart, to “love” each other from afar, and to care one for his own life and family. Your old love is yours, it belongs to the past and to memories and it is in your heart to look at forever. But, please, love also the persons you have in the present. I’m sure you can find out they are as precious as your old love.