Dear Sarah

I used to have such thoughts but the I realised they were just thoughts, conditioned thoughts I considered over and over during a dark period in my life. I found that the cause of all human suffering and I say suffering not pain as in physical pain is mental talk in your head aka thoughts. Thoughts aren’t always necessary, one can stop thinking although it takes practice or you could also just observe your thoughts without having a feeling that’s related to that thought but again that takes practice. Ever wonder why Buddhist monks are so happy it’s not above you or anyone for a matter of fact, anyone can reach a state in which they are liberated from the mind, it’s rather easy just concentrate on your breathing without mentally judging it or as I sometimes do talk myself through something or another, This is all related to something called mindfulness an ancient practice which changed my life, take a look online if you’d like. I hope you get better and know you aren’t alone.

With my deepest sympathy ~

Drikken.

P.S. By the way if you are indeed interested I’d suggest listening to either Ajahn Brahm or preferably Ekhart tolle and please let me know if you also think he looks like a turtle.