Hey Sarah!
Got a bit of bad news. The pain is going to get a bit worse. You see, you have stuffed all your feelings for a very long time and now that you are starting to heal, they are all going to bubble up to the surface and you will have to actually feel them this time, instead of stuffing them. Good news, you WILL get through it and come out much stronger and balanced on the other side.
As for trg guy that you ARE STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH, well you need to end it. You are still emotionally attached to him and his actions are dictating your emotions. You are in fact addicted to him. You exchanged him for drugs, one addiction for another. Check out some books on addiction and co-dependence to understand your feelings and behavior. Right now you are at risk of letting this guy back into your life. Learn about love, real love, not sexual attraction, and it will give you insight so that you can see you were not in love with him, and he is not and never will be in love with you. Good luck!