Hey Tatjana!
It’s ironic how our last resorts are usually the most helpful and I hope you find the answers you need on here. You know that you’re doing better and that’s good but you need to bring ALL the issues into the light. Step back and really look at what’s going on. Why do you feel the need to be dependent? What causes you to lose your temper? Everything happens for a reason and even though at times we hurt the ones we care about most, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or that you’re responsible for how they choose to react to this experience. You need to forgive yourself for the blame you hold over your head and accept what has happened. You have the opportunity to make this a positive experience but only if you learn and grow from it.

If you want to be a better partner you need to understand your weaknesses. When you depend on your partner to that extent you limit the relationship and put unnecessary pressure on it as well. A partner isn’t there to make you feel better about yourself, even though that feeling tends to come along with it. Having a partner is about sharing your love for each other, it’s about growing individually and as a couple, it’s about being brave enough to open yourself up completely to someone.

We go through these things in order to learn and the biggest mistake we can make is to ignore that. Some people are in your life just to shake the foundation of who you are and break you down completely in order for you to build yourself back up. So, begin building yourself up! This is the chance to be the person you want to be. It’s your choice. Forgive the past and put it where it belongs; the past. Accept yourself, your past, and your weaknesses so that you can not only begin to find peace within but begin to work on those weaknesses as well. Empty yourself of all the guilt and stress and replace them with understanding and acceptance.

This is your life. Enjoy every minute of it, share that enjoyment with anyone you can, and find happiness in the smallest things.

I have complete faith that you can be the person you want to be. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to heal.

thepathofaronin.blogspot.com is my personal blog. Use it if you need any help.