I am 23 years old and for the past two months I have been dealing with a one year and two month relationship breakup. For a while I was in denial. He broke up with me and said he didn’t want to work on the relationship anymore. He said that he needed someone more outgoing, that likes to go out with friends, and that basically I was too needy at the end of the relationship. (This did take a blow to my self-esteem, since I was adjusting to a new city in the summer and it was difficult to make new friends). During our breakup I asked him “…and there is no false hope that we would get back together?” And his response was, “only if we both change.” (That was a horrible answer.) Unfortunately, I had this ounce of hope that he and I would get back together with time. However, recently I saw on snapchat he has been snapping with a new girl and then I saw on her facebook page that her profile picture is of them both. (Yes, I am guilty for seeking this out and actively hurting myself. But who doesn’t go on social media to look at their recent ex-partner’s status?) I understand that I am using “fortune-telling” thinking and making assumptions that I am not certain about. More than anything I am upset that someone that I truly loved unconditionally, could hurt my heart so much, and then immediately start seeing another woman. I understand that we are not together anymore and I have no control on what he can and cannot do, so I have to let it be. But the thought still hurts. Now, I am simply angry, upset, and with shattered hope.

Is this healthy to be angry and upset?

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Also, I have been doing my best these past two months to understand why it didn’t work out and how I contributed to the relationship, and work on the things that I am capable and willing to change. I had help from a counselor as well, mainly to not feel like it was my fault the relationship ended and to pick up my self-esteem.

Now I am at a point to focus on 100% on myself. I want to work on being more open and honest with all of my relationships in my life so they can see the real me. I tend to put on a facade (not intentionally) that everything is perfect in my life, this is mainly due to my drive for academic and career achievements with a want to make a difference in the world. People tend to assume that “Lexie has her life together.” I let very few people in my heart, but when I do all my walls come down. An example: I told my ex-partner that I cry in stressful situations and I find crying beautiful and therapeutic early in our relationship. He later told me that when I cry he associates that response with traumatic events that he has experienced and can’t handle me crying when my feelings get hurt. (Well, that sucks.)

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Many thoughts and emotions are going through me, such as “Will anyone love me romantically?” “How could someone hurt me so much?” “Why did I have to go through this?” and “I just want to go for a long run to get away from my thoughts.”

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Has anyone experienced this before? Seeing your ex-partner see another person immediately after your break up. I could really use some empathetic advice.