Dear deelee…

I can understand your pain and anger. The relationship to your family really seems to be troubled. I just want to give you a few thoughts I have on this:

1. For yourself: We all make mistakes. Big mistakes. Life mistakes. It is ok to make mistakes! You need to accept the situation and stop blaming yourself or others for how it is. It’s not a cool situation to be in, but there are much worse…

2. You cannot change your family. What do you expect of them? That they admit something, apologize, something else? This will probably not happen! It is hard to let go of your expectations, but these expectations and your anger seem to be the things that make the situation so unbearable… not the situation itself!

3. Your daughter obviously deserves to have contact to her grandparents. However, this does not mean you have to spend christmas with them! Is there any way she can have a relationship with them (maybe your wife can hold the contact?) and you can get some distance from your family?

4. It’s just money. This is one of the most important things I learnt in life so far. Sure, money gives security, and the thought of having lost a lot of money on the house is frustrating. But your job is not to hold on to tht frustration and anger. Your job is to take care of yourself, and deal with the situation in a way that is actually healthy and good for you! I cannot tell you which way that might be, but you should put your mental and emotional health before money.

5. You do have a house, dont you? Maybe it costed you more than you should have. Maybe you could have had a nicer house by now… But we are all in this kind of game, and with having a house at all you are still one of the winners 🙂
Your wife doesnt even seem to blame you, does she? So why would you do it yourself?

I’m really sorry if this is though love, I really feel with you and can understand your anger and pain. But I also feel that it is the key to how this situation will resolve. You cannot change the situation or others, you can only change yourself and the way you deal with things. Maybe your counsellor is not a good fit, and you need to try someone else? There are good ones out there, sometimes it takes time to find them!
Hang in there!