Hi Kay,

Sadly, your husband ambushing you can be very typical of guys about to walk out the door. Your female friend, not so much without some clue.

I liken them to prey animals. Prey animals (rabbits, mice, deer) always seem healthy. Always seem vibrant. Always seem on. Until they’re literally dead. They have to give the APPEARANCE of everything being OK just to survive. They don’t want to be picked out as being weak from predators. Some people are like that. In the distant past, if they complained, life would get very difficult. So they put on a happy face and don’t talk about it. Until the end.

Now, just because it’s out of the blue for you, doesn’t mean it was for them. They’ve probably been thinking about this for months and years.

I hate to say it, but take a page out of their book. Don’t SAY anything negative now. If you have to, get a journal and write the hell out of it. Don’t be an external processor around them. They can’t handle it anymore.

And for the female friend, and I say this from experience, don’t talk about what went wrong in the friendship. That is a sure fire way to kill it. If/when you see her now, everything’s “Great!” Maybe one day you can have deep talks and kvetch about the world. But it sounds like she is saturated.

I’m sorry. Think of this as a crash course on how to be positive.

Inky