Hello Sann!!

I think, over the years you have created very complicated thought patterns about youself and the world surrounding you. Why not take a break and look at the things as the way they are without forming any judgement or opinion about them. I think you need to practice to look at youself and the external world in a non-judgemental manner without forming any pre-conceived notion about them.
You should engage with surrounding people, but at the same time you should not attach any mental image to them. Just think that you are a good-natured person who is interacting with this external world with all his/her capacity. Don’t create your own image in your mind about what other person might be thinking about you. Because we can’t read other people’s mind. Only thing that we can do is try to be a good person to everyone (including our own self), because We don’t have much control over what other person might think about us.
And I think you are already a good person but you are trying really very hard to change youself and build new habits. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself and just take it step by step as you’ve mentioned in your first paragraph, but without forming any opinion about yourself and others.

If possible take a look at “Vipassana” Insight meditation. This meditation technique can break any complicated thought patterns if practised with perseverance and patience, and has ability to change behaviour of a person in a positive manner, and hence you don’t have to force anything upon yourself. Just find out about it on the internet. There are centres all over the world conducting courses in “Vipassana” meditation. You can easily find out the centre nearest to your locality.

My Good Wishes are with you!!