To thank those that gave advice at the time and for anyone in posterity who may see this and benefit from it:

Now, 8 months later, the situation is exactly the way we had aimed for. The crush is gone on both sides, and we remain good friends. That includes my wife and Liz as well. We often see each other and do stuff together as one would do with friends.

So what the subject line of this thread states is possible, and probably not even all that hard to achieve in many cases.

The keys to getting here in our case were the following: totally open and honest three-way communication; trust on all sides; a clear goal; patience/time; some “abstinence” during the hot phase. I also spent a few hours talking to a therapist. It was somewhat useful and I don’t regret the money spent but I don’t think it was essential, or instrumental. Regarding the abstinence: in the two months following the initial post here, the infatuation was at its most intense and disturbing. There came a moment where I was no longer willing to tolerate it and I told Liz that we needed time out again (we had already inserted a 3-week period of radio silence after the first month), at least a month, maybe more. It was five weeks eventually when I felt we could try seeing each other again. The infatuation was still there but it was much milder then and it continued to weaken and dissipated about four to five months after the initial outbreak.

Thanks to all of you for your input.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by Axel Curiosity.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by Axel Curiosity.