Hi. I know exactly how you feel, I am the same way. I don’t have any friends, just close family, so I’m not around people a lot. I just got a new job last week, and I feel uncomfortable around the new people. I’ve had a lot of anxiety about my job, I am a worrier by nature, I obsess over nearly everything. I kept ruminating about how I am perceived by my coworkers, and it was causing me a lot of stress and anxiety. I was thinking today though that I think people are really just like me, they want love, acceptance, and compassion. So I decided today that I was going to start to exude those three things from myself instead of seeking them from others. I used to feel fear and terror from my coworkers and bosses, but now I try to love, accept, and have compassion for them because they may be suffering just like me. I always thought I was in a separate category from other people, like, “nobody feels the same way I do.” But I have to say that I think most people want those three things I said before, and that generally speaking, people want the same things I want. I too am a very private person, when I’m around a lot of people I need time to be alone and find peace again. I don’t share everything with people either, I am a introverted person. I feel like when I’m being outgoing and the like that I’m putting on a show. But I realized that I don’t have to be this huge gregarious person in order to allow people to feel at ease around me. I understand how you don’t know what to say around people, I never say anything around people for the most part. But I just try to make people feel comfortable, to make them feel accepted, because I wouldn’t be surprised if they wanted to be accepted by me too. So I try to be proactive. Well I don’t know if this helps, but I wish you peace.

Like anything in life Denise, you take small steps to start. You run into someone you start with “Its a beautiful sunny day out isnt it?” or “Man, this rain sucks today huh?” Then the other person will hopefully fire back some kind of reply. Then maybe next time set your goal with same person to say “Hows your day going” Or if you meet someone new “Did you hear the news the other day about ___” Or keep your eyes open to what they are wearing. “I like your tattoos, gonna get more?” Or “Your looking in shape, you hitting the gym around here”.

The Goal is to think about new and interesting things to talk about. Over time it will get easy and you will be able to find out what works and what doesnt. “When picking up the heavy sword at first it seems difficult, but everything does at first”-Book of Five Rings.