And I don’t know what to do. I want to confront her so badly but I don’t want to act beyond what is appropriate for me, his girlfriend. I’ve been dating this wonderful guy for three and a half years. I know the ins and outs of his parents’ lives, since I spend most of my free time at their house. My boyfriend is 21 years old, I’m 19, his mother is 65, and his father is 71.

His mother is abusive to his father. His father had a stroke a few years back and has diabetes and also suffers from shingles. He is handicapped, he uses a cane to get around.

She is verbally abusive. She shouts and swears and screams at him.
She is emotionally abusive. Every time they fight (a few times a day) she tells him that he’s useless and stupid and any other insult she can think of.
She is physically abusive. If the fight goes on for a certain amount of time, I will hear her get really quiet (kind of like whisper shouting?) and I will hear him scream in pain. She then shushes him. I once heard them fighting while he was trying to get to the bathroom. She grabbed his cane from him and he fell over. She told him to shut up.

My boyfriend knows what’s happening, too. He’ll go out there and say something like, “Mom, please don’t hurt dad.” or, “Mom, please stop calling dad useless.” And she will manipulate him. She’ll start crying and say, “Oh, so now I’m the villain.” To which my boyfriend can either agree, or more likely, assure her that she is not the villain and he is not siding against her.

I know it probably seems like I don’t like his mother very much. I guess I don’t, if I’m going to be honest with you. I feel so terribly for my boyfriend and for my boyfriend’s father. My boyfriend and I tried to get them to go to counseling. His father was all for it, saying it’s worth a shot. His mother started shrieking, “Oh, the therapist will just side against me.” “I’m not going to pay to have someone sit there and tell me I’m a villain.” So therapy is out of the question.

He is a crippled, elderly man. One of these times I will call the cops. I’ve already been tempted. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t understand her and I just can’t. Part of me doesn’t want to call the cops on her. I think she’s mentally ill because she also hoards everything.