Dear Miranam:
I read your post and the comments with much interest. I do believe in unselfish giving as in “random acts of kindness” but not as a way of life. I do believe we are creatures motivated by self interest just like every single organism, from bacteria to plants to animals. It is in our genes and has existed through millions of years of evolution, to be motivated by self interest. So I do not support trying to live a life ignoring my self interest. (Actually I have done that and it has been nothing but misery to me).

I think relationships should be a WIN-WIN situation. So when I consider giving now, I think: what am i getting out of this? For example answering this post, what I am doing right now, my goal is to help myself as well as hopefully, to be of some help to you. I reject the LOSE-WIN (self sacrifice) and WIN-LOSE (exploitating others) relationships or interactions within a relationship.

I wonder if you giving so much to others, being there for them, while you do that, you are not sharing with them your own vulnerability, your own needs. Is it possible that you present yourself as the helpful type person, the strong person that does not need them? Is it possible that even though you do need others, you present yourself as the GIVER, one that does not require TAKING?

Looking forward to your reply.
Take Care:
anita