Miranam,
You seem like a wonderful person and a wonderful friend to have. I’m sorry that you’re facing this challenge right now but I’m sure you can turn it into something positive if you can learn from it. I believe you’re giving too much of yourself to these people and because they don’t return that generosity, you feel wronged in a way. I don’t think the lesson here is to get new friends but to control the amount of energy and time you invest in them. Instead, invest that time and energy into yourself. When you find the people worth making that effort for, you’ll know why they’re worth that on a deeper level because of this experience. Everything is an opportunity to grow and learn.

However, if these people are in need of your help, then being appreciated should be the furthest thing from your mind. “True compassion is not about giving or taking. True compassion is doing just what is needed.” We don’t show compassion because we have to, we show compassion because we want it to exist in our own lives. Without people like you, compassion wouldn’t exist in the lives of those around you. Find the strength to show compassion and appreciation as a way of life rather than a means to receive them. What you think is what becomes your reality.

Good luck my friend. Thepathofaronin.blogspot.com is my personal blog and may offer further assistance.

Dear Miranam:
I read your post and the comments with much interest. I do believe in unselfish giving as in “random acts of kindness” but not as a way of life. I do believe we are creatures motivated by self interest just like every single organism, from bacteria to plants to animals. It is in our genes and has existed through millions of years of evolution, to be motivated by self interest. So I do not support trying to live a life ignoring my self interest. (Actually I have done that and it has been nothing but misery to me).

I think relationships should be a WIN-WIN situation. So when I consider giving now, I think: what am i getting out of this? For example answering this post, what I am doing right now, my goal is to help myself as well as hopefully, to be of some help to you. I reject the LOSE-WIN (self sacrifice) and WIN-LOSE (exploitating others) relationships or interactions within a relationship.

I wonder if you giving so much to others, being there for them, while you do that, you are not sharing with them your own vulnerability, your own needs. Is it possible that you present yourself as the helpful type person, the strong person that does not need them? Is it possible that even though you do need others, you present yourself as the GIVER, one that does not require TAKING?

Looking forward to your reply.
Take Care:
anita

Dear Miranam:
Before I answer your question above, I would like to understand a part of your post that I don’t understand, would like you to elaborate on it: “I’ve tried to expose my vulnerability. It just seems to me like nobody truly pay attention. No, of course they would sit next to me, listen, an even give their perspective. But it would be a “one-time care”. They will not act on it. At the same time, they will be very caring and giving with others.”

1) How did you expose your vulnerability to another? Example, please be specific.
2) What is a “one time care”
3) What would “acting on it” be like, example?
4) How did a particular person (example) provide YOU with “one time care” and provided with another person a different kind of care, one you wished he/ she provided you?

Looking forward to your reply:
anita

You know what fixes every ail? Change every ‘should’ for ‘prefer’. I have had those moments where even though I felt I was giving because it is who I was and I did not expect recriprocity, I would suddenly feel enraged and start thinking ‘why does nobody treat me the way I treat others?!’

The reason is: we all choose our behaviour. I have chosen to be giving and I do gain joy from it. Other people have the right to choose not be giving. You have the right to choose whether you continue to associate with them. If you do not enjoy your relationship with them, you have the right to no longer be in relationship with them. But everybody has the right to choose whether they are kind or cruel or compassionate or discompassionate – and you have that choice too. Live by your own value and expect others to live by theirs. There is not a right or wrong way to be, this is merely a difference of opinion. What I consider to be ‘morally right’, others might consider to be overkill, but I shall stick to what I believe and allow others to live as they wish too.