Dear Anita,

First of all, I agree with you 100%. It should be win-win. Should. But somehow it doesn’t happen… You see, the issue is I don’t really “consider” giving. I just do it spontaneously. In order to “prevent” myself from giving I need to realize I do it the very moment I am doing it. And then, to refrain from doing it. It seems like very difficult to apply in practice, it requires so much self-awareness. Also, I feel like it will not doing any good to myself, because the moment I am giving I do feel joy. So by intentionally not giving I will deprive myself from this joy. Probably this is myself interest? To make things worst I am very empathetic (or sympathetic). Not sure about the right term, but I feel pain of others. Especially if they are my family or friends. So, helping them, I am actually helping myself. I know it is a big shortcoming, I have tried to eradicate it. So far unsuccessfully.

Maybe I have a certain blueprint in my mind of how the relationship should be and I act accordingly, because this way the life feels better…

You also described with exactitude my type of personality. Everyone says you are such a strong and independent person. I’ve tried to expose my vulnerability. It just seems to me like nobody truly pay attention. No, of course they would sit next to me, listen, an even give their perspective. But it would be a “one-time care”. They will not act on it. At the same time, they will be very caring and giving with others.

You seem to have faced the same issue. Could you develop? How did you change?

Thank you.
Miranam