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I have misled a few men. Seeking happiness in loneliness

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • June 1, 2015 at 11:26 pm #77604
    PryingMiMi
    Participant

    Hello all TinyBuddha’s,

    Ive been using online dating for a little over a year now. I have met some great and not so great guys. After a situation presented itself last night, I came to terms with my deep unhappiness and unwillingness to be alone, because it scares me. I misled someone… Actually a few guys, and I know that I really should take a step back from dating and truly analyze what I want for myself. I just hurt a great guy’s feelings, and I am not proud of this. I want to be a better person, which will allow me to one day, when Im ready again, to begin dating. I have grown accustomed to the attention I receive from these men, and have gone to overboard with it. Wise words are appreciated! What do you recommend that a young woman, like myself, do? Thank you!

    June 2, 2015 at 8:42 am #77616
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear PryingMiMi:
    I think that taking a break from online dating or dating otherwise may be a good idea. On the other hand, it may be a good idea to continue the online dating and work on your stuff while dating. I like the second idea better because how can you work on interpersonal issues and skills if not in the context of interpersonal interactions?

    For example you can prepare an apology to deliver to the guy/s whose feelings you hurt. Figure out how to verbalize/ write such sincere apologies- what to apologize for and what to not apologize for. You can change the way you date so to reduce yuor fear, for example meet at a coffee place for a shorter time per date. You can make your own rules to make the online dating work for you. You can slow it down or speed it up… You choose. I have done online dating and i think it is a great opportunity if done mindfully, evaluating and re-evaluating and changing the way you go about it, an opportunity to get to know yourself better in the practice of real life social interactions.

    anita

    June 2, 2015 at 12:11 pm #77618
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi PryingMimi,

    I wouldn’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. Think of it this way ~ all this emotional torment, and all the misunderstandings will end when you finally meet someone you like. Hurting a guy’s feelings was bound to happen. To some extent, it’s almost impossible NOT to hurt a guy’s feelings when it turns out he is more into you than you are into him. As long as you’re honest, you can let the guy be responsible for his own feelings. Does that make sense?

    And I hate when we girls say, “I’ll date when I’m ready”. OK, what is “ready”? When does it happen? One year? Five years? When you end ten therapy sessions? When you no longer feel guilty?

    OK, Good Luck!

    Inky

    June 3, 2015 at 9:50 am #77668
    Chaya
    Participant

    Hi PryingMimi,

    I’m in a similar situation, actually. I’ve made a string of bad decisions around men over the past 3 years, and it usually involved giving a guy (or guys) the wrong impression.

    Not being sure of what I want is an issue for me too. What I try to do when a situation arises is to pause before taking an action. This gives me space to listen to what my Higher Power would have me do, instead of making self-willed decisions. I’m definitely not perfect at this, but I’m handling things much better than how I used to handle them.

    Let me know if you’d like to hear more, because I’m definitely open to sharing.

    ChayCups

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