Dear you. Thank you for sharing this with us.

The first thing that comes to my mind: It seems to me that you are stuck in a life that is not really in tune with your hearts desires. Do you know how to listen to your heart and follow it? What are your dreams and desires? What life would you like to create for yourself? Don’t be afraid of really wishing the best for yourself, because you deserve it and happiness is your birthright.

You seem like a very mature person for your age. Have you ever tried to go a little deeper within and really feel where this shame and low self-esteem comes from?
To really move forward we need to change from within. We need to find the real source of our problems, and that can be an old childhood trauma, or an issue that hasn’t really been resolved for a long time. Once the energy is balanced, our outer life automatically change. That’s just how it works in this universe. 🙂

You also seem a little stuck right now, as that you are afraid of making the wrong move. One thing is sure: There is no such thing as a wrong move. Every step you take forward will bring you somewhere. Let go of your fear of moving forward. ANY step will help, even the smallest one.

And the last thing I want to add: Sometimes it takes a complete crises to happen, in order for us to really wake up and start making changes for ourself. My point is: Be really happy that you are where you are right now, because it’s always the darkest before the dawn. And later you will look back and see that you wouldn’t have made it that far if you didn’t go through this challenging time in your life.

Wishing you all the best. 🙂