@anita

Thank you so much for your post! Your method of shifting empathy sounds a lot like the practice of “loving kindness” meditation. I will take your recommendation to heart and begin a practice of it.

@olga

You are right about interpretations of things, and I agree that much of the things we think are “bad” about ourselves are actually what deepen us as people. In anita’s case, her struggles in her childhood have furnished her with a strong empathy, perhaps the most important character trait of all.

I’ve come to understand that often what I think I want isn’t what I need for what really matters. As for “Q: How do I love myself? A: You just do,” this is probably the best answer there is. I am a very analytical person, which is a great strength of mine, but as a downside I tend to demand precise answers, methods,etc., proof over ambiguity, certainty over uncertainty, and so on. Much of life cannot be defined in absolutes like this. Particularly, I tend to treat my mind-body the way I would treat a puzzle or external circumstance: I see painful emotions and so-called shortcomings as problems to be solved, instead of trusting in my path. I know for certain that the way I see myself in the world and the way I really am are two drastically different things; it’s a wonder I can even function!

And so: yes, the practice of loving kindness.
Peace and love.