Dear Carlos Torres:

I am a late arriving to your thread and have the benefit of reading all your posts since the original. This is my feedback: she appears- from your writing- to be mostly honest. Her statement that bugged you, her statement that you are Mr. Right, but… rings of dishonesty and manipulation to me. The manipulation is: don’t give up on me even though I don’t feel that you are Mr. Right, so i am going to say you are Mr. Right so that you will stay…. although I want space but I also want you…I believe it was dishonest mostly because it bugged you, by your own testimony, when she said that.

It seems to me that you are honest and better off emotionally (your emotional health) than her.

You wrote: “I feel a little relieved that I don’t want to experience those highs and lows. I would want it to be steady.” This is what healthy people want in a relationship, at least on the long run. You feeling relieved indicates to me that you don’t want the relationship you had with her. You only want certain parts of it, not the whole package.

You are not her psychotherapist. It is not your job- nor is it in your ability- to help her, to cure her, etc. The more you try- and fail- the LESS MENTALLY HEALTHY YOU will be. You are in pain right now for not having the good parts of the relationship with her, but you still have what you will terribly miss if you wait for her- your own well being.

The pain you feel over the love that was there- at the times it was there- that is much preferrable to experience and to release, over time, then the pain of being unwell, of the … life force in you being sucked out of you into her despair. Save yourself.

anita