Dear zengirl87:

You wrote that you are “such a great match.” In some areas perhaps: both of you wanting to be medical doctors? Liking the same food, forms of entertainment? You know the answer. And you know that you are not such a great match in the EMPATHY area, that is, that he tells you that what you feel is ridiculous and therefore he is suggesting that you shouldn’t feel any which way that is not comfortable for you- and for him. Problem solved: you feel distress? Just don’t feel it.

This attitude on his part, this constitution of his will make a very poor choice of a father to your children if you were to marry him and have children with him. Troubled children will be the result.

The source of his empathy delinquency is deep in his childhood and not something you can heal or change in him. You can teach him, if he is willing to learn, to say something like” “I understand what you feel.” and (pretend to) listen with no commentary. Well you can figure out if he can manage this way, if it is satisfactory to you.

Learn more about his emotional dynamics. How does he work? The words “I love you.” mean a million different things to a million different people, so better get the details so to shed some light into those words: what does it mean to him to love you?

anita