Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→How important are our emotions?
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jock.
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September 12, 2015 at 1:54 pm #83204
jockParticipantThere are some people who think that emotions are an obstacle to the truth. Usually they are the scientific, rationalist type who refuse to acknowledge anything that is not logical or evidence based. And the evidence has to be clear to see.
If I look inside myself there is that part of me too. Part of me is very “right brain” and analytical. God gave us a brain, both sides are meant to be useful.
And being male, I tend to doubt my emotional side. Feelings can be dangerous. Better to deny them? I remember when I was a teenager, dating a girl, my hormones racing. I was afraid to admit to myself that I was sexually attracted to her. I was ashamed of myself, (Christian upbringing had something to do with it). I stopped dating this girl, because I felt so confused and out of control.If I look back now, I have had a history of denying my emotions. I would deny that I felt humiliated by someone, pretend “it was nothing” and move on. All kinds of emotions being denied. Such as stress, frustration, disappointment, fear, embarrassment, pride, excitement, exhaustion, shame, self-disgust, guilt, low self-esteem, and so on.
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But how important it is to admit our current emotions to us!! Know how we are feeling right now. It’s not navel gazing and it aint self pity either. Know what your feeling. Try to pinpoint. Often it is mixed feelings. Journal every day. (but some Buddhists say journaling is not a good idea I know)
I’m currently feeling confused, fed up with myself, low self esteem due to weight gain and anxious about my immediate and long term future, being out of work. It’s a common feeling for me though over the course of my life. I need to work on my self-esteem I know as a key to all the other issues. That makes me feel annoyed at myself for not having better self-esteem by now , in my late fiftees.So I encourage males and females to discover admit their feelings to themselves. Emotional intelligence is probably more useful than rational intelligence in my view.
September 12, 2015 at 2:42 pm #83207
BrianParticipantI like this post. I do think a balance can be achieved between rational (or “reason”) mind and emotion mind. DBT refers to the convergence of the two as “wise mind”.
I think it is very important to be aware of one’s feelings as well as one’s rational mind. Growing up I was told “don’t get all emotional”, and my dad modeled that instruction, so I was ashamed of my feelings as well. It’s worth noting here that my dad has no friends and isn’t happy. He’s so emotionally unavailable that he’s uncomfortable with just about anything except the joys of playing cards with his family.
You felt out of control because your Christian upbringing told you or modeled for you what? That you weren’t supposed to feel sexual attraction? I consider feelings as feelings–they simply “are”. Trying to deny a feeling generally leads to suffering, at least in me. Does that contribute to your low self-esteem do you think?
I can also relate to some of your other points: I too have gained weight (though I’ve lost a little recently due to emotional distress), and have no job. I’m 39 and have always had low self esteem.
This might be a personal question, but do you cry? I do, often (even when I’m not emotionally distressed). I didn’t use to, though. It wasn’t ok to cry growing up, and so I cried only after things got so pent up that it had to come out in an explosion. When I started becoming more open and sharing, in my early 30s, I noticed that I’d cry out of empathy.
Thanks for the post.
September 12, 2015 at 3:43 pm #83210jockParticipantYeah I cry. But only in private.
I’ve cried in poignant scenes in movies usually a beautiful soundtrack as well.
You know I play guitar, and sometimes the tune is so powerful, so moving, I have to stop. Lyrics too but mainly music.
I’m not a great musician either. It just moves me to tears. Of course, people can move me with their selfless and kind nature. My father’s funeral was sad but I didn’t cry then. I guess it has taken me a while to grieve. he was such a good-natured soul. the world is definitely poorer without him. My parents taught me that real love is possible.September 12, 2015 at 3:46 pm #83211jockParticipantre Christian guilt over feelings of sexual arousal…
it is a pretty common theme for catholics especially in my era. We were taught that thoughts were potentially evil so I avoided some thoughts completely.September 12, 2015 at 6:21 pm #83220BrianParticipantI have issues crying in front of others as well. But sometimes I just can’t help it.
I play guitar also. It’s great that you feel that power in the music. Why do you have to stop? You’ll cry or become tremendously uncomfortable? I watched Fury Road recently for the first time, and I was in tears for over half the movie.
I’m so glad your parents taught you about real love. I’m rather envious actually :).
One of my longtime friends (he’s 39 now) was brought up strict Catholic, and his parents dictated to him that he couldn’t hang out with certain people or listen to certain music, etc. He was very much squelched emotionally. I don’t know if he was taught that certain thoughts were evil, but they aren’t evil–they’re merely thoughts. Or so I think.
September 12, 2015 at 10:58 pm #83227jockParticipantTo my way of thinking, intention can be evil. If I intend to hurt you, slander you for instance, but fail to get attention from others, then it is evil.
If, out of vengeance, I think “””mmm, how can I get even with Brian?” but no action follows, then the thought is just a thought.
When we allow ourselves to get consumed with hatred and hatch a plan, we have gone too far. Evil has gotten a hold of us. -
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