Hi,

I totally agree with Jack on dealing through one’s issues via a good counselor. I was very reluctant all these years to go and talk about my problems and thoughts to one. I finally did it and it surprisingly helped. She was quite young but a good listener, also kind of managed to dive straight into those fundamental questions for which i didnt have any answers. I have had depression for years, on and off. It was rather refreshing to get an outside perspective that indeed what i was going through was real and i wasnt weak. Often our family and friends do mean well when they support us, but over time, we get so used to them and their rather predictable ways that we sorta build up a defense mechanism around them.

Perhaps in your own way, you are looking for a source of respite – If you feel buddhism will help, do go for it and see how it works. Also, i think that as you are so young and have already seen so much, a lot of thoughts start accumulating and life sort of just gives you proof that its true. This kind of thinking in CBT terms is called fortune-telling whereby if something bad happens, we sort of assume it will happen again. In your case, it has indeed happened again and again but it is neither necessary nor sufficient to predict how your life will turn out to be. Some things are indeed out of your control but you need to accept over time that you many years to go and they will be different, in a good way.

Additionally, the environment of court cases and sentencing is frankly rather depressing for the victim involved. It is good that atleast people who hurt you will get their sentences but here’s the thing – dont sentence yourself to a life of misery. You’re only 21 and things change, it is not your fault these things happened –

I remember this story my mom told me about a girl she met at the gym. This girl was only 22 years old and had been through a series of bad luck – when she was 13 years old, she lost her dad to a car crash. Within 3 years, her mother committed suicide due to depression related issues, post her father’s demise. After that, the rest of the relatives sort of ganged up on her – they didnt want to really help her at all. She also had a younger sister of 7 that time. Their grandfather took them in and they began living separately in a rented house. Things were fine for the next 2 years but tragically, the grandfather had an accident right in the front of the house and he passed away. I couldnt believe my ears to be honest!

This girl somehow gave her board exam (like the SATs for US) and scored decently. She did have some money left from the savings her parents had and was now able to access since she was 18. The rest of the family had sort of spurned them away as they considered the sisters as bad luck omens – always bringing death everything they went. The real issue that cropped up was where they would live and this is where she met the most amazing landlords who actually knew the plight of the girls and offered to let them stay at a very nominal rent. The land-lady even helped out the younger sister on occasions.

The older sister took admission in a nearby cheaper college and started working part-time, even giving tuition to raise money and look after her younger sister’s studies. The girl actually gained a lot of weight in this process because of the hectic hours and stressful life. Now about 5 years later, she got a decent job and is working hard – she actually took the gym membership after saving up quite a bit cuz she wanted to lose some weight 😛 I didnt know what to say when i heard this story. It sounded like some movie but it was actually real – bad things do happen to good people but they do the best they can with what they have, go on anyway.

Surely, you have seen some kindness and love despite all these bad phases in your life. The cloud will lift awhile but you need to speak up and take all the help you need.

Regards,
Moon