Am i prone to a life of bad luck?

HomeForumsTough TimesAm i prone to a life of bad luck?

New Reply
Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
  • Author
  • #83353


    I am looking for some advice and a little helping hand.

    This will be quite an honest post so bare with me as i am new to this.

    It is a constant running joke (a light hearted one) amongst my friends that i have bad luck.

    From the day i was born to around 15 i suffered some quite bad abuse at the hands of my mother. During this time i also encountered sexual abuse from her friend from ages 11-15. After leaving there i was assaulted twice. Once by my auntie and then by my uncle in which he broke several bones.

    A few years of healing after that and recovering from post traumatic stress and OCD i went to New Zealand at the beginning of the year for a fresh start with my partner. On the second day of arriving i was bitten in the face by a dog at the residence of which i was staying which was my partners uncles. The uncle turned out to be a bad alcoholic and became emotionally abusive towards me and my partner. We had to continue living there due to paying so much in medical bills and endured around 5 months of being bullied by him and his wife. I am still left with concussion after around 7 months that is being treated and also have neck damage due to the force of the dogs head.

    Buddhism got me through my childhood and it came about in a very strange way which i hold closely to my heart.
    Unfortunately over the last few years i have lost sense of it all. It may sound silly but i am terrified that this is how my life is set up. I am only 21 and haven’t gone a year without being physically abused or hurt by someone.

    I am extremely grateful for my life and getting through what i did. I am in the middle of several court cases for my abuse and most involved have been charged and are awaiting sentencing. The police officer dealing with my cases has said she struggles to work out how i am still alive never mind anything else and i am unsure too. I just feel like i need to snap out of this but i cant. Its not depression or even the post traumatic stress as i have been already been there and it doesn’t feel like that.
    I am just fed up of being hurt and don’t understand why this keeps happening to me. Is there such a thing as someone with constant bad luck?

    I am wanting to study Buddhism again and get my old self back but am struggling to start as i just feel like i wont be able to keep it up if i get hurt again. I know part of Buddhism is about seeing these things in different ways and ‘bad times’ but surely being physically or emotionally abused isn’t just classed as a minor blip.

    I just need some advice as to what to do from here as i feel stuck.


    I don’t feel qualified to give you advice because my luck has been so much better than yours.
    My childhood was fine but did suffer self-esteem issues and workplace harassment in my adult life.
    I do believe my lack of self-esteem has been a root cause of me being on the receiving end of the workplace bullying.
    If I believed more strongly in myself, I would avoid a lot of the problems I come across. How can I expect others to respect me if I don’t respect myself?
    “I’m not good enough” is a basic belief I have about myself. And I’m sure many others have about themselves.
    Now I am saying to myself every day “I am good enough and I deserve to be treated with dignity” I am now sensitive to any kind of rudeness or sarcasm my work colleagues use. Nip problems in the bud if possible.
    People pleasing might be one of your issues and perhaps self-esteem as well. I have to be aware of my people pleasing tendencies. I know some of the nastier type of work colleague will just steamroll me when they sniff any people pleasing traits. It is like an invitation for them to treat you with contempt.
    Again I don’t pretend to have the answer to your bad luck. Certainly not another reason to beat yourself up. I think you deserve praise for your resilience and courage. Good luck!


    Oh and whilst Buddhism is good I don’t think it has all the answers. Self-esteem problems could be dealt with more wisely with a good counsellor.



    I totally agree with Jack on dealing through one’s issues via a good counselor. I was very reluctant all these years to go and talk about my problems and thoughts to one. I finally did it and it surprisingly helped. She was quite young but a good listener, also kind of managed to dive straight into those fundamental questions for which i didnt have any answers. I have had depression for years, on and off. It was rather refreshing to get an outside perspective that indeed what i was going through was real and i wasnt weak. Often our family and friends do mean well when they support us, but over time, we get so used to them and their rather predictable ways that we sorta build up a defense mechanism around them.

    Perhaps in your own way, you are looking for a source of respite – If you feel buddhism will help, do go for it and see how it works. Also, i think that as you are so young and have already seen so much, a lot of thoughts start accumulating and life sort of just gives you proof that its true. This kind of thinking in CBT terms is called fortune-telling whereby if something bad happens, we sort of assume it will happen again. In your case, it has indeed happened again and again but it is neither necessary nor sufficient to predict how your life will turn out to be. Some things are indeed out of your control but you need to accept over time that you many years to go and they will be different, in a good way.

    Additionally, the environment of court cases and sentencing is frankly rather depressing for the victim involved. It is good that atleast people who hurt you will get their sentences but here’s the thing – dont sentence yourself to a life of misery. You’re only 21 and things change, it is not your fault these things happened –

    I remember this story my mom told me about a girl she met at the gym. This girl was only 22 years old and had been through a series of bad luck – when she was 13 years old, she lost her dad to a car crash. Within 3 years, her mother committed suicide due to depression related issues, post her father’s demise. After that, the rest of the relatives sort of ganged up on her – they didnt want to really help her at all. She also had a younger sister of 7 that time. Their grandfather took them in and they began living separately in a rented house. Things were fine for the next 2 years but tragically, the grandfather had an accident right in the front of the house and he passed away. I couldnt believe my ears to be honest!

    This girl somehow gave her board exam (like the SATs for US) and scored decently. She did have some money left from the savings her parents had and was now able to access since she was 18. The rest of the family had sort of spurned them away as they considered the sisters as bad luck omens – always bringing death everything they went. The real issue that cropped up was where they would live and this is where she met the most amazing landlords who actually knew the plight of the girls and offered to let them stay at a very nominal rent. The land-lady even helped out the younger sister on occasions.

    The older sister took admission in a nearby cheaper college and started working part-time, even giving tuition to raise money and look after her younger sister’s studies. The girl actually gained a lot of weight in this process because of the hectic hours and stressful life. Now about 5 years later, she got a decent job and is working hard – she actually took the gym membership after saving up quite a bit cuz she wanted to lose some weight 😛 I didnt know what to say when i heard this story. It sounded like some movie but it was actually real – bad things do happen to good people but they do the best they can with what they have, go on anyway.

    Surely, you have seen some kindness and love despite all these bad phases in your life. The cloud will lift awhile but you need to speak up and take all the help you need.



    Hi JessicaEmily,

    People abusing you isn’t bad luck. Bad luck is a bird pooping on your car or the shop being randomly closed when you planned to be there. Your family made a CHOICE to abuse you! And they’re in court? GOOD!! Once they are sentenced, you will (should!) feel a GREAT sense of justice. What they did wasn’t just to “you”. It is a Social Crime. They CANNOT do what they did and get away with it!! They should be thankful a judge is sentencing them instead of God.

    My main advice to you is to take a self-defense course. There is something about doing that ~ your aura becomes stronger, YOU become physically stronger, and people INSTINCTIVELY know NOT to mess with you! It’s the strangest thing. One family member who used to mess with me tried something (“I was just playing around!”) and because of mere muscle memory I did a very basic, unconscious self defense move and everyone was all “Holy Crap!” Now I have “street cred” LOL.

    Another thing that will happen is the abuse will grow less and less the older you get. It’s easier to pick on a shy young girl than a tough old broad LOL.

    And throw a Victory Celebration for yourself WHEN you reach the One Year Anniversary of being abuse free!!

    Wishing you ALL THE BEST!!!



    Dear JessicaEmily:

    I think you did have bad luck. But I do not think at all that it is a life sentence, that is that Bad Luck is written for you in the stars or has been decided so in some god’s plan for your life. Or that this bad luck is a result of unfinished past business between your soul and other souls or any such nonesense. I see your luck as a result of statistics. Like a man having five sons in a row and not a daughter when it is 50% – 50%. It just so happens.



    You went to New Zealand from where? New Zealand is more pre-Hindu than Buddhist.

    You stated that you got mauled by a dog. Were you eating a diet consisting of lots of red meat?

    What scent did you have that day on yourself?

    He was drinking alcohol and most likely abusing the dog.

    You might have offended one of the rules of the ancestral lands over in New Zealand. Are you an outsider and adherent to Buddhism?



    unfinished past business between your soul and other souls is something that is written in several texts

    is this selectively picking and choosing what you feel best to acknowledge

    bad luck is not written in the stars, however malefic planetary events can transpire and manifest itself into daily life


    Dear JessicaEmily,

    It was not bad luck that you were born into such a horrible situation. That was just life. What was good luck is that you still seem sane and able to cope (for now). Buddhism might have helped you transition from a bad situation. What you might need now is (and I can not believe I am saying this), is to take up a self defense course. This is to develop a sense of self that is in charge, in control. It makes standing up for yourself as an ability rather than a stance against fear. It is okay to fight fear but better when there is something to back it up. I do not advocate fighting but defense. Buddhist monks in China had Kung Fu to help them keep fit for those long hours of meditation. It also made it easier to not be mistreated.

    Please do not listen to any one who points their crap at you. Meaning, it doesn’t matter what you eat or drink. A dog should not be attacking you. No excuses. You deserve respect. Oh, how I wish I could have given this advice when you needed it instead of years later.

    No, no one is prone for a life of bad luck. Change yourself and the world will change also.

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.