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Tommy

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  • #391697
    Tommy
    Participant

    If one is open to love then is one seeking love? If one is open to love then will one find love?

    I use love as an example cause I find love to be real. Where as, hate or anger is not real. When hate or anger comes up, it comes at first as urges and then get supporting thoughts to bolster its stay in the mind and body. Love just is.  There is no need of thoughts to supports its stay in the mind. Is love desires or wants? Personally, I do not believe true love is. But, have seen many levels. Maybe I am just a wishful thinker.

    Note: Have not had much sleep lately. So please do not cross examine me upon these words I posts. Just a sleepy man.

    • This reply was modified 4 days, 14 hours ago by Tommy.
    #391338
    Tommy
    Participant

    Hi Samy,

    Hope you find a good teacher and sangha. Live a long life and help many others. Here is another short story: Two male monks, travelling together, come upon a woman at a small stream trying to cross. Monks are not suppose touch women. However, one monk, with the woman’s permission,  picks up the woman and carries her across the stream and sets her down. Later, the other monk not able to hold his comments, asked the other monk why he touched that woman when monks are not allowed to do such things. The monk replied, I left her at the stream. Why do you still carry her?

    Sorry, I personally like stories. Like to share them too.

    #391317
    Tommy
    Participant

    The problem with seek and you shall find … is .. for example when the US government went looking for reds or communist party. It was called the red scare. When people in the government thought there were dangerous people aligned with communism. They black balled them. Created a wave of terror. All because they were looking for communists. And so they found them. Look for a devil and you will find one whether or not it is really the devil. McCarthyism. There is a trap to go looking for something. Because if you are looking for something then you just may find it in one form or another. Here is a common warning, be aware of history or one will repeat it. The good and the bad.

    When living life, do you really want to become indifferent? Detached from the world? Yes, Buddha said to be in the world not of the world. If one is conscious and mindful then one will be engaged with life. Have feelings. This is a part of living. When I love, I want to feel love. Not detached from the people I love. With a clear mind and full of attention, live life’s every moment fully. If something sad happens then feel sadness. Not dwell in the sadness. Not be overwhelmed by such things.

    If one is living with thoughts and sense of self then where does the ego not reside? Enlightenment is not all about sitting in the mountains with bliss on one’s face. Letting go of the ego is letting the mud clear from the waters. Then one can see clearly to all depths. It is with wisdom and compassion that one lives in freedom of the ego. Sorry, again, just rambling. It is late and there only the noise in my head. Must be time to just sit.

    #391227
    Tommy
    Participant

    To think about it less and less, maybe volunteering to do something to help others?? Donating money will not chase the thoughts away. But, giving of yourself (volunteering) might give you a better sense of who you are now? It might let you forgive yourself and then move forward?? Or, maybe talking with someone about this will let you have the release you need??

    #391226
    Tommy
    Participant

    The meaning of the story for me (now) is one where one’s thoughts about a situation make it so. Broken leg can be a blessing. So, I choose to look at life as not about detachment to release suffering. But, to live life to the fullest as a way to be here, now. Not to dwell in failures or sadness. Meditation or study of Buddhism may not extends one’s life. But, it can help one to enjoy every moment of it. Being mindful all the time doesn’t create a better life. Rather, it lets us live the life that we have.

    I am a simple person. So when I learn new stuff, I like to break it down to something easy to remember and can be useful. Like the idea of Karma, I made it simple for me to understand. What one plants, one shall reap. If I plant an apple seed then an apple tree will grow. If I am good then good will come from me. Surround yourself with good people and you will be good people. I do not know about this life or the next. Or, what affect my actions now will have on the future. Sorry for rambling again.

    #391220
    Tommy
    Participant

    There is an old story of a farmer. One day his horse ran out of the barn and disappeared into the forest. His neighbors said it was bad luck that his horse ran away. He said maybe so, maybe not. After a few days, the horse came back and following it was three other horses. Looking like three mares had come home with the horse. The neighbors said what good fortune. The farmer replied maybe so, maybe not. One day the farmer’s son was riding the horse and the horse bucked and reared up. His son fell off the horse and he broken his leg. The neighbors said such bad luck. The farmer said maybe so, maybe not. Soon soldier came by to recruit any healthy person for the army to fight in a war. They saw the farmer’s son and left him. The neighbors said such good luck. The farmer replied maybe so, maybe not. This story is one I learned of early in my journey. It’s meaning to me has changed over the years. Still, I like it.

    #391213
    Tommy
    Participant

    Buddha never spoke of the beginning or why things are the way they are. Just that as sentient beings, we have the chance to escape suffering. Guess suffering is what gives us the push or motivation to go past what we believe ourselves to be? Maybe Buddha’s four noble truths would better explain?

    Metaphors are only as good as the boundary that define it. Go outside of the lines and things fall apart. Who is the child who splashes the water? Is it not enough to be given the chance to live. Experience joy, love? A chance to escape suffering and the cycle of life, death and rebirth? Personally, I do not know. But, this is the journey I find myself on.

    There is nothing to be sorry for. Life happens. And so we have the opportunity to grow and move forward. Or one can choose to dwell and suffer.

    #391193
    Tommy
    Participant

    Hello Samy,

    I do not know if I can give you the answers you are looking for. “Isn’t wishing something was one way and not another the root of sadness.” It is not the wishing for something to be one way and not another way. It is more the clinging or attachment to wishing for something to be one way and not the other. My mother passed away recently. And, I was filled with sadness. This is normal. I have feelings and so I felt sadness. The suffering comes if I dwell in the sadness or cling to the hope she would not be dead. If one has a toothache then that is pain. Suffering is having a mindset of only wanting the pain to go away or stop. Of course, we wish for the pain to stop. To live only in that moment, that is suffering.

    There is a story of a woman who came to the monk saying her baby had died and wanted the monk to help her. She wanted her baby alive. There was no consoling her. The monk said he could help. But, she would have to go get three grains of rice from three houses that had no deaths. After she had gone thru every house in town, she went back to the monk. She learned that every house has had a death. She wept and buried her baby. Later, she became a follower of this monk. His name was Dogen.

    From my perspective, I live in my thoughts. They give me meaning to who I am. Man, husband, father, worker. They give me interests and desires. I sense and feel and think. All linked to this body. When the body dies, there will be no thoughts, no hunger, no pain, no feelings. No me as I think of myself. Like to think of it as a child who splashes water, each drop has its own trajectory and path. Some blend with others and some pass thru. Each has it own time in space. But, it all returns to where it came. To realize one’s true nature is to break the bonds of the cycle of life, death and rebirth. Sorry, rambling.

    #391184
    Tommy
    Participant

    Dukkha is suffering, sadness, problems.

    Dukkha is suffering. It is created thru the attachments and clinging of desires. However, I do not believe it to be sadness or problems. To be sad of feel sadness is human. To have problems is human. If you feel love or pain then that is human.

    Anicca is Anityam – it is not forever. So it’s not going to be around forever – hence, impermanence.

    Yes, change. Things come together to form something new. Later, it will fall apart and become something else.

    Annata is anatman in sanskrit, which would mean without an atma- so this would mean “not a soul” or “does not have a soul”?  You are not a soul? This I am not sure how to interpret. Searched the internet but it is not clear yet.

    This was taught to me as part of impermanence and suffering. People are an aggregate of things. All together, they create this person, sentient being. The senses and thoughts, all are in a feedback loop of some kind. Thus creating a person who we think we are. That created person has no soul as when the body dies then it too will die. This person we think we are is not independent of the body. When this person thinks it is real and permanent, it will cling to desires and wants as if those were also real. And change will bring the suffering. Cause, as one achieves one’s desires, change will take it away. Clinging to desires, causes the suffering. When one sits and sees the truth of one’s nature, one knows one is not this or that but the whole. Well, that was what I had learned about Buddhism. I could be wrong about the whole thing.

    #391160
    Tommy
    Participant

    Since the Name of the forum is Tiny Buddha, I will mention Buddha’s three universal truths. Dukkha, Anicca, Anatta. Suffering, Impermanence and no self. The way to inner truth is to drop the self that thinks of all these things and to perceive the truth of one’s nature. When the mind is full of thoughts and creates a murkiness like mud disturbed in water, sitting calmly, the mud settles and the water becomes clear. Sorry for the interruption.

    #391050
    Tommy
    Participant

    There are many techniques. But, would suggest finding a teacher and sangha if you wish to go further. Learn more about Buddhism and Buddha. Presently, I sit with my legs crossed (half lotus) with eyes closed. Watch my breath, saying in when breathing in. And saying out when breathing out. The important part is to let go of thoughts as they arise. Do not chase or follow thoughts. Do not try to suppress thoughts. (Thoughts are like waves on the water, try to make them flat and the water is more disturbed. Be patient and it settles) As your concentration gets stronger thru practice, you can notice the quiet time between thoughts getting longer. Do not let attention wain. However, without a formal teacher and sangha for support …

    #391046
    Tommy
    Participant

    Living alone? Do you live in a big city or small town? Or, do you live in a remote cabin in the woods? Living in a house or apartment by yourself is not the issue. It is the time spent alone by yourself with nothing else to do but remember the past. I do that often and I live with my wife and daughter. Busy trying to run a business. Yes, it does help to have someone to talk to and share your experiences with. Still old habits are hard to break.

    It is not a matter of finding distractions to occupy your time. You will have to find it in yourself to let go of those habits of remembering the past and analyzing events. It is not about forgetting the past. But, not chasing the thoughts and memories of the past. To know how we got here, we look at where we came from. To know where we will go, we need to know where we are now. So, do not forget the past. But, to let go of it and move forward. If you stay in the past then the present moment is lost.

    Yeah, nothing of what I said will help. There is no power in those words, no magic. Everything that needs to be done has to be done by the person who wants and needs to change. Personally, I am still fighting my own demons. Still working on myself. And, I find it difficult.

    #391002
    Tommy
    Participant

    When I was about 13years old, I saw my grandmother in the park near our apartment. She was asking which was way home. I was busy with my friends and pointed in the general direction. Later, I got home to see my mother go out looking for my grandmother. My grandmother was lost. She had an episode of dementia and loss her memory of where we lived. I felt terrible for not having taken her home. We did eventually find her. Years later, she passed away. Now recently, My mom passed away. When I saw her in the hospital, she also developed dementia and did not recognize me. I remembered what happened years ago. And, this is what I have to look forward to, losing my memory.

    So, I try not to dwell in the past. Although it creeps up on me sometimes and takes over my thoughts. Makes me feel terrible. Trying to let go of the past. Try to live today. And make the best of the time I have. Oh, still argue with the wife at times. And lecture my daughter on her behavior at school. But, let it go as it came. Love them and go on.

    #390813
    Tommy
    Participant

    Anita, I also rehash things I hear or read so as to better understand things (that is part of learning). To me, it is okay to want things. Just not to cling to those wants or desires. But, I guess that is just where I am at in my journey. I am neither here nor there but somewhere in between. Some call it, “Lost”. Others call, “It finding my way”. Not trying to want less but to be happy with what I have. (Think I heard that somewhere). Tommy.

    #390808
    Tommy
    Participant

    Anita, thanks for the re-write. I hope it makes more sense to you that way. And, I hope it keeps its sense or meaning as well. Tommy.

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