fbpx
Menu

Tommy

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 141 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #430209
    Tommy
    Participant

    The purpose of any life is to live it the best one can. The first thing to keep in mine is that stuff happens. Sometimes good , sometimes bad. It will pass, hopefully. As for the bills, there is bankruptcy available. That is where you go to a bankruptcy lawyer and pay a few dollars (I do not know how much) and list all the people you owe money and show how much you have. The courts decide what you pay out and what you keep. They will try to keep it reasonable or so I hope.

    Money will come and money will go. Unfortunately can not say the same about the people in our lives. I am sorry about your mother. It is not unexpected but it still is quite a hurt when it happens. Breathe deep and try to move forward. Your mother may pass but you are still here. It will be time to think about yourself and what to do next. Do not despair. Find a Church. The people there are a good resource to talk to and find help. Sometimes even to find a friendly face.

    The next step is to look for opportunities. I do not mean buy a lottery ticket and hope for the best. Be that special person who knows what to look for that can help not only yourself but others too. Being open will help you. Shutting down will only close opportunities. So, got to keep trying. Remember to live your life. Parents teach their children to grow up and live their life. Now, it is your turn.

    #428944
    Tommy
    Participant

    What drives you to drink? Is it hunger as it is for the one who is on a diet? Is there a hunger for the alcohol? There are rules against drinking alcohol. Do you break those rules? If not then it is a choice you made. You are responsible for your choices. If you break the rules then it is a mistake. Is it a mistake like breaking rules against bank robbery? Obviously not completely. But, it sits in the realm of those mistakes. Drunk driving, fighting, not being where you are suppose to be (work), etc. Do you need to be hard on yourself if drinking is considered a choice? It was your choice. But, as I said before, your choices now are the foundation of your future.

    #428943
    Tommy
    Participant

    What type of woman do you want? Or do you really want this woman? Men usually prefer a woman who doesn’t have vast experiences with other men? Probably because the thought is that she would think you are just another one of those men?? That you would be dropped as soon as she finds someone else. Would you spend your time and effort on a woman who doesn’t consider you as someone special enough to just be with only you?? Love and feelings get in the way and things become distorted?

    If a woman cheats on you then wouldn’t she cheat on you again and again? As long as she feels that she can get away with it, she will? Excuses? Excuses make it okay to cheat? Sex with other men is okay as long as it did not mean anything to her. Cause she really loves you? You have feelings for her. But, do you really want this woman? Is she the type of woman you want in your life? To be the mother of your children?

    Sorry, only questions here. You already have the answer. Now, it depends on what you want to do?

    #428934
    Tommy
    Participant

    Men do not express our feelings or let them out. If that happened then people in our lives would look down upon us. People would think we are weak to show feelings. That is the nature of men’s relationships. If you are not happy with him … Or rather if you are not happy with yourself then he will not make you happy. You must be happy with yourself and then his companionship will compliment your life. If you are not happy with yourself then his presence will only gnaw at your ideas of how your world should be. You will have left him before you actually physically leave him.

    Most men will do what they can to please the women in their lives. And most men will shut up and take whatever their woman tells them. The man will then change and turn into something that is not the same as before. He will change into something that can survive the demands of his woman. May be short tempered, angry,…. but will take the criticism and the yelling from his woman. In the end, he will still not become that man that the woman wants.

    What is the point? You want a perfect partner to you. An ideal man. It doesn’t exist. If you can not find your own happiness then you will not be happy. If you want to feel intimate and close to him then be intimate and close. It is probably certain that he would like to share this too. Being close and intimate with the woman he loves. If you do not show him then how would he know? How would he learn?

    Spark? OMG, you want sparks or chemistry or that magic that means the man you have is the right one?? If only the world was as we imagined it to be. How happy we would be?? Reality is truth. No white knight on a magic steed. Looking for spark, you will never be happy. Happiness does not come from outside of oneself. If it does then you will be happy for a short while and then something else will be needed to make you happy again. And so the cycle goes on.

    #428804
    Tommy
    Participant

    I am sorry but I just do not understand how a man can have physical relations and say they have serious feelings for you just ghost you the next day. What excuse can be good enough to explain this. You give yourself to someone who says they care for you and the next day, he disappears for two weeks. It sounds like a player or just an idiot of a man with no feelings at all. So, why are you still thinking about him. I know I sound harsh. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Dump him and find someone who will give you the love you deserve.

    Note: I am not always right. Wait for Anita to answer.

    #428762
    Tommy
    Participant

    Five years of youth in love is a long time. In the mind of the youth, it is a lifetime. This being the first love means the feelings run the deepest. It really is a shame that you let this continue for so long even knowing that it will not end well. He will not change his mind? He will stay loyal to his family and not you? The message is to move on and forget him? And youth wonders how this can be.

    It hurts. Pain when one thinks of the love and the time spent together. So, how does one move on? It takes lots of time and distraction for the feelings to let go. Time to let go. Time to little by little not think or feel the pain and hurt. Distraction is needed to move the mind from its deep well made from 5 years of this toil in love. Distraction in purpose in occupation, or love another. You will need this more than you admit. Please be open to your future and not dwell in the past.

    #428760
    Tommy
    Participant

    As an adult, you should know right from wrong? To make a determination not to drink alcohol is usually considered a wise choice for many reasons (none of which you mentioned but you know why). Then later on, change one’s mind and start drinking alcohol. An error? A mistake? Yes, it was a mistake. It was a poor choice.

    Do you beat yourself up about it? That depends upon the consequences of the bad choice. Drive drunk? Get into a fight? Forgot someone or something that needed to be done? Wasn’t where you were suppose to be? Addiction? Asking yourself what constitutes a mistake is just looking for excuses for your actions.

    It seems it is time for one to be responsible for one’s actions. Not to look for excuses. Not to look to blame others. Your choices now will build the foundation of your future. Wish you well.

    #428734
    Tommy
    Participant

    Why does fear control so much? That is a very interesting question.  It is an emotional reaction to events that surrounds us. Emotions are very difficult to control while one is going thru it.

    For me to get control of my fear, I needed to recognize the conditions for it to happen. Then, have a plan to not feel the fear. Exercising this control will eventually allow me to stop feeling fear. Well, at least not fear when those triggers or conditions appeared.

    I know that I do not have the power to control others nor others reactions. But, have planned what to do in those situations. Sometimes plan to avoid it thru escape or confrontation. It is tough to do. But, if I didn’t change then nothing changes.

    #428733
    Tommy
    Participant

    In responding to people who have tough problems, it isn’t always easy to find the right words. And not knowing all the details, a person can say things that hurt. Doesn’t matter if it is the truth or not. The pain is real.

    I don’t know if one has to go thru this pain in order to process the events which caused this problem. All I think one can do is be here to listen and make suggestions to try to help. Sometimes mistakes are made. Only thing that can be done is to try to move forward.

    There doesn’t seem to have harsh words spoken. So, there is a good chance that given some time, the gap between mother and son will close. Children do grow up and move away. That is just life. Hopefully they will stay in touch.

    #428649
    Tommy
    Participant

    From what I have read, there were no harsh words spoken. Just a decision from the son to live with his father? Sounds like a boy looking to grow up. Happy birthday text, it all seems normal. If he has any issues with you then it is in his mind. You have done what you can to be his mother. I would text back that you are happy but missing him. May be even include something new going on in your life. Other than that, there is only waiting for him to want to talk. And as long as you make him feel he safe and can do talk, there will be a chance that he will.

    #428620
    Tommy
    Participant

    Anita, thanks. That post makes my day better.

    #428564
    Tommy
    Participant

    Yes, so many times, people with problems come here to just vent. Then they go back to the same old ways. The meaning of life is important because it is what makes us happy and interested. As Anita said, it is the reason to get up in the morning. And not just to go to work or because it is daylight. But, because it brings us more time to be with or do things which makes us happy. That draw our minds and emotions to bear/ direction.

    I have often wished to be able to edit my posts and make corrections. And, I wished for the ability to click a like for some post that means more to me. It shows appreciation for people who answer posts and brings light to the darkness in our lives. You know who you are.

    #428443
    Tommy
    Participant

    Yeah, sometimes I do not know when to keep my mouth shut.

    #428340
    Tommy
    Participant

    Men are not emotionally intelligent. Just not smart as women when it comes to realizing what emotions means to him. He thinks about you all the time but knows it is better to be friends due to the conditions which you live under. He wishes to bring a better life for the girl in his life. And if he sees that you are doing better without him then his courage dwindles. He doesn’t see that he can make you happy. So, all these emotions plays upon his poor male brain. While some men grow out of this and learn how to deal with life and love, this man is not there.

    Some women will hide how they feel in a marriage. And then one day come up and ask for a divorce. If there has been no fights then men just do not see it coming. So, in a divorce, the man get cut off from their kids. Women will almost always get the children. Lose the woman he loved. So, basically he has his heart torn out. Then on top of that, must pay child support and possibly alimony. Who would want to do that again? If you got burnt then would you just want to do it again without a second thought? Some men would rather be single rather than to go thru having his life and love disrupted again. So even when loneliness pushes him to meet and talk to other women, he is hesitant. Life is safer staying single after a divorce. So, are you confused about what he is doing?

    If you do not want this man then just give him space and he will walk away eventually. Just slowly dis-connect. Do not reply to his texts as often. Spend less time talking on the phone or e-mails or whatever. He will leave you alone. So, what if you want a relationship with him? You would have to make the move as they say. Tell him that you want a romantic relationship. That he could make you happy if … then say your reasons. It is the talking and closeness that makes the difference. I wish you happiness in all you do.

    #428227
    Tommy
    Participant

    So, if I am reading this right, .. you had a dream that you were in your meditation room trying to open your third eye or crown chakra. Prior to this you actually were in your meditation room thinking about how to open your third eye. Cause and effect?? You wanted something and so dreamed about it? Wanting it so much and thinking hard about it, this seems to have brought about this bout of dreams.

    Question, how is the meditation? Are you in your thoughts? Or are you sitting aware and in silence. Some people have a misunderstanding. They believe that meditation is letting their thoughts flow. Some even believe that they must silence their thoughts. Neither is right. Buddha having heard the fisherman say that holding on too tight the fish will escape and holding too loose the fish will escape. It was then he discovered the middle way. One must not hold thoughts off and one must not let thoughts flow. It is in the middle where concentration holds the attention. Thoughts may flow but one is not carried away. One has silence but not held by force.

    Having intentions of opening chakras is not a problem but the desire comes to act on its own upon the person having the desires. And, so, the dreams and the intense feeling upon the brain. Some Zen practice called hou tou is intense and can produce similar effects. There are Koans. Like, What is the meaning of “MU”? Constant thinking and questioning, the mind is absolutely absorbed in MU. Or, what is the sound of one hand clap? Then totally absorbed to find an answer, suddenly a burst and the mind sees a glimpse of the truth of the nature of ourselves. Sometimes no mind is opened and sometimes it works. It all depends upon the person.

    I would encourage you to find a teacher who can actually help you. And a Sangha that can bring about the effort you need to go forward. Good Luck.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 141 total)