Hello Anita,

I have to take a deep breath and say “I do not have anger” Nor did I have anger when I replied to the OP. The reasoning is to reach deep inside of her mind and pull the person out of self pity and depression. A slap in the face of the hysterical person. There was no anger nor hatred. It was done out of love for the person in grief/hysteria. However, people do not see beyond what they can understand. And reference whatever it is they know.

My words were not out of anger. It was more of a plea to stop the self destructive behavior and move on. How the person takes it is another matter. This, I have no way of seeing the truth. So, I must take time away from people’s troubles and emotional swings to find what it is in myself that is truth.

The story of the farmer is an interesting one. One day a farmer walked into the horse stall only to see his horse run away. He could not catch it. And the neighbors all said what a pity that your horse ran away. The next day the horse came back with another horse. Apparently the horse was looking for its companion. The neighbors said, how lucky you are to have two horses. When the son tried to train the horse, his son fell off and broke his leg. The neighbors said, how terrible the new horse caused your son to break his leg. The next day, the government came by to conscript all the men in the village. When they saw the farmer’s son, they left him cause he had a broken leg. The neighbors said, how lucky your son has a broken leg.

So, what is the truth? Does the truth change from one moment to the next depending upon the present conditions? Nothing arises without cause and condition. Truth should be true no matter the conditions? I do not know and that is what I need to work on and myself. So, thank you for your help and well wishes. I will check my anger the next time I speak.

Hello Anita,

Thanks for the words of wisdom. I do not wish to post here anymore. It seems I have lost the ability to have compassion but  …. When a person is hysterical, what should a person do? Hold them by the hand and say everything will be alright? Or does one slap the person to bring them back to the present moment? It is hard to judge such things. Which action is actually best? I am sorry for my words. And regret posting it. And it has reminded me that I still need to work on myself. And so I will stop posting. At least for a long while. In the mean time, I know you will be your great self and help people the best you can. And for that I am so grateful.

Tommy

Love is wonderful fresh and new. At 47 years old, love shouldn’t be so fresh and so new. One should have perspective due to the time passed and experience done. What is wrong with moving fast if it feels right? Do both parties feel the same? Space, take a break? Is that because of the speed you were moving or is it because it felt too needy and clingy? Or did you feel the walls of your safe house begin to shake?

I am not one who says they are on your side or try to make you feel better. You will get enough of that from any acquaintances you have who hear your story. My life is full of regret but those were my decision that I made. So, I live with it and move on. And I give up on rehashing everything and give up on regrets. I will tell you what I think from reading what you wrote. You might like being alone and feeling safe with no one to disturb your life. Or do you want someone to be there to talk to and give you other opinions? Decision is y0urs. Wishing you all the best!

A long distance relationship has an implied commitment of marriage. Otherwise what is the point of being in this relationship? Not picking you is showing he is not ready to commit. Not ready for marriage. He doesn’t see you in the same light as you see him.

So the question is do you stay for the short term and try to have a nice time? Or, do you stop this and go your own way? That is your own choice. Can’t rely on others to tell you what to do. It only brings regret for not having done the other choice. You make your decision and live your life.

He says he doesn’t want to hurt you. That is an excuse to not make a commitment to you. You have already had enough time together to know you want him. My thoughts are to let him go. Spending more time with him won’t  change his mind. And, it will only hurt you more later on. I wish you happiness.

[quote quote=430692]Dear Tommy, I know Tommy, I have already broken up with her, I am just working on the process of moving on. Paradoxy[/quote]

So moving on means to stop thinking about her. Which means this thread is over. Stop, do not continue. Giving time to heal all wounds. Spend less and less time thinking about her or having feeling for her. Let her go. Over time, you will think less and less of her and the healing will begin.

Tommy

Four noble truths of the Buddha, 1. Life is suffering,   2. The truth of suffering,   3. There is a way out of suffering,   4. The path to freedom from suffering.

Life is tough and terrible. There is so much suffering and cheating and lying and everything. A toothache is painful but the suffering is in the mind who endures the toothache longing for it to end. Everyone suffers pain and has a terrible time. But, it is those, who reach beyond the suffering to see the truth of life and the truth of Buddha nature, they live a life of love, compassion and wisdom.

There are no simple cures. And, for the Buddha, he said one is reborn. So, in time you will return in another life. And go thru similar until you have learned the lesson that is taught. Suicide is not the answer. Karma will keep you in this circle. Despair is not the answer. You may need to express your feelings and that will help for the moment. You may need to take up the practice of mindfulness, meditation. Find a teacher and sangha to learn how to break into freedom. Maybe take lessons in self-defense. Be able to feel that you take control of your life.

Sorry ParadoxMusic, you want to separate the woman from her actions because you believe you love her. You already know she is not the one for you. It is time to move forward. Find a real woman you can love and that can love you. Hanging on to her will only break your heart more when the curtain does finally come down.

Sounds like young love. You and your partner are different people and will always have different views upon life. So, you not always get along on every aspect of your lives. Just the way life is. The best you can do is to ignore the harsh points of disagreement and focus upon that which brings you joy. I do not mean to have children. Sometimes couples believe that a baby will bring them together. It does sometimes but not always. Anyways, you seem to be stumped by your partner’s speech on how you did not focus on the correct thing, his feelings on his first day. Tell him that you were trying to fix the rift between you two and he is just focused upon himself without regard to you. While you are actually focused on both of you at the same time. He says you are ignoring his feelings but, it seems to you that he is ignoring yours.

When fighting, it takes time to gather the thoughts together to be able to verbalize the feelings. Tension builds up.  Tension is fine as long as you remember that you want to be together. So behave as there is no tension until you have the proper place and time to talk it out. No one wins if only one person wins an argument in a relationship. Oh, if you live together then there is no asking for space. You give time for thinking but never give up space. Space isolates and makes one feel alone. Being in each other’s face or holding each other is better. Just do not have to talk. Later, just talk. No yelling.

Of course, I am no expert. I have made plenty of mistakes, just ask my wife. Anita does better at advice.