It is sad to say, that when a person wants a pause, it means she doesn’t want you. Does it matter if you were going too fast? Yes, it does. Couples like it better when things go as if both wanted the same thing at the same time. Not always possible. Anyway, she doesn’t see it the same way. You appear to be needy and clingy to her. So, anybody who feels smothered wants space. But, space means losing the other person. A strain is put upon the relationship.

If you walk around and think of her all day, if you just feel the want to hear her voice, if you crave being near her, if you miss her kisses, …. you got it bad. And it will only make it worse. How do you get yourself into a better situation? Just drop her. If she wants you then she will call. If not then you need to have moved on. Find a good hobby? Find another love? Learn the art of starting a conversation with strangers. Know your worth. Do something to keep your mind off her. Then soon it will become less and less. Become a better person.

I know it sounds harsh. But, you must understand that you only get a first impression once. You made yourself look clingy and needy. She will always see you as someone below her level. Not confident and not the man who knows their worth. Better yourself so the next woman will know you are worthy of her caring. Give up on her. If she does call then you will be ready. If she doesn’t call then you will be ready. I am sorry for my poor advice.

Happy Easter, …

When sitting in meditation, a thought arises and the mind tends to follow the thought until one becomes aware of the thought and the attention has moved and person is centered again. It is the same with any thoughts. One has a thought and the mind follows and builds upon the thought. It becomes real and carries a momentum of its own. It is followed by supporting thoughts and colored by the memories of the past. Voices become familiar to the point of being someone’s voice from the past. If coupled with depression then the results can often be not what anyone really wants to happen.

There are plenty of suggestions of what to do and how to do it. Become a better person with a solid reasoning mind. ETC. I have none of that. I can only see how it begins and how it grows. The thoughts and the feelings build a wall of anguish and isolation and depression will only add to the trend of spiraling down. Bringing the thoughts forward and following them is what gives them power. Possibly, if like meditation that one becomes aware of the thought and drops them, lets them go away and re-focus attention to the present (re-centers oneself) then the mind can becomes free of the pattern.

Whether it is nicotine or opioids or other drugs, addiction is similar. The thoughts and urges have a mind of their own. They begin to control actions and make good decision making more difficult. It is so easy to give in and follow those thoughts that lead to losing, loss. Really hard to decide and follow thru.

Sorry, lost my train of thought. It must be a senior moment. Excuse me.

Depression is a very hard disease to deal with. Not knowing what the cause is. Chemical, biological, situational, ???? Reading the first post, it paints a picture of a final journey. Looking at thing for the last time as leaving a vacation spot. But, to answer your question, “Am I at the end of my journey?”, no you are not. You are in one stage of many. Your thinking of this life as complete. It isn’t. Humans are in a unique position to learn the truth of life.

People are like drops from a splash of water in the ocean. Each drop has its own trajectory. Flying hi or flying low. Each with a life of its own. This drop more salty and that drop with more life inside. Each unique in its own way. Up, up and away. Spends it time in the air and then comes down back to the big ocean. Never lost. Soon, another splash and away we go again. The cycle goes on and on. So, how do we break free?

Buddha, after having his enlightenment, saw all his past lifetimes. And, with this enlightenment found the truth and the end to this endless journey. So, in his teachings, there are the four noble truths. This is where the beginning of the journey to wisdom and compassion and love opens up. This is the path to freedom.

I am sorry I can not give you the help that you need to bring you out of this depression. This Dis-ease has taken many. I wish you find the help that you need. The forum is a nice place to express feelings. People try to lend an ear and listen. May be tell you its not so bad. So, bad. I wish you find something that can involve you and your mind. To find something of interest. Good Luck.

What drives you to drink? Is it hunger as it is for the one who is on a diet? Is there a hunger for the alcohol? There are rules against drinking alcohol. Do you break those rules? If not then it is a choice you made. You are responsible for your choices. If you break the rules then it is a mistake. Is it a mistake like breaking rules against bank robbery? Obviously not completely. But, it sits in the realm of those mistakes. Drunk driving, fighting, not being where you are suppose to be (work), etc. Do you need to be hard on yourself if drinking is considered a choice? It was your choice. But, as I said before, your choices now are the foundation of your future.

Men do not express our feelings or let them out. If that happened then people in our lives would look down upon us. People would think we are weak to show feelings. That is the nature of men’s relationships. If you are not happy with him … Or rather if you are not happy with yourself then he will not make you happy. You must be happy with yourself and then his companionship will compliment your life. If you are not happy with yourself then his presence will only gnaw at your ideas of how your world should be. You will have left him before you actually physically leave him.

Most men will do what they can to please the women in their lives. And most men will shut up and take whatever their woman tells them. The man will then change and turn into something that is not the same as before. He will change into something that can survive the demands of his woman. May be short tempered, angry,…. but will take the criticism and the yelling from his woman. In the end, he will still not become that man that the woman wants.

What is the point? You want a perfect partner to you. An ideal man. It doesn’t exist. If you can not find your own happiness then you will not be happy. If you want to feel intimate and close to him then be intimate and close. It is probably certain that he would like to share this too. Being close and intimate with the woman he loves. If you do not show him then how would he know? How would he learn?

Spark? OMG, you want sparks or chemistry or that magic that means the man you have is the right one?? If only the world was as we imagined it to be. How happy we would be?? Reality is truth. No white knight on a magic steed. Looking for spark, you will never be happy. Happiness does not come from outside of oneself. If it does then you will be happy for a short while and then something else will be needed to make you happy again. And so the cycle goes on.

Five years of youth in love is a long time. In the mind of the youth, it is a lifetime. This being the first love means the feelings run the deepest. It really is a shame that you let this continue for so long even knowing that it will not end well. He will not change his mind? He will stay loyal to his family and not you? The message is to move on and forget him? And youth wonders how this can be.

It hurts. Pain when one thinks of the love and the time spent together. So, how does one move on? It takes lots of time and distraction for the feelings to let go. Time to let go. Time to little by little not think or feel the pain and hurt. Distraction is needed to move the mind from its deep well made from 5 years of this toil in love. Distraction in purpose in occupation, or love another. You will need this more than you admit. Please be open to your future and not dwell in the past.

Why does fear control so much? That is a very interesting question.  It is an emotional reaction to events that surrounds us. Emotions are very difficult to control while one is going thru it.

For me to get control of my fear, I needed to recognize the conditions for it to happen. Then, have a plan to not feel the fear. Exercising this control will eventually allow me to stop feeling fear. Well, at least not fear when those triggers or conditions appeared.

I know that I do not have the power to control others nor others reactions. But, have planned what to do in those situations. Sometimes plan to avoid it thru escape or confrontation. It is tough to do. But, if I didn’t change then nothing changes.