Sanguine:

Assuming your posts on this thread are not a joke but are a true account to the best of your knowledge, then I need to re-do my original response to your post. As I read it yesterday I became frustrated and angry at what I perceived clearly as your dishonesty with yourself and hence with the rest of the people in your life. As I got angry I got stupid (There is a saying: “As your anger goes up, your IQ goes down.) and responded to you with anger. The reason it is stupid of me (again, assuming this is a true post the best you know)- is that I am least able to reach you with any valid message once I express anger at you. Plus, when I did write to you “dear sanguine” I cringed at my “dear”- so there I was dishonest myself. Here is my redo, and I am assuming a non angry state of mind:

Dear Sanguine:

As I read your post I noticed at one point on a lack of consistency in your story, a self delusion/ lack of honesty. I hope you will examine my point. You wrote: “The next morning, after Ann had left for work…I saw the iPad..and quickly deduced that Ann had seen everything…I knew I was in trouble. The chat messages did not look good. I was terrified. So I decided to “come clean” and took several actions that, at the time, seemed necessary to save my marriage and remove and sense of impropriety…”

This indicates to me that you believed your exchange with Stef was a betrayal of Ann. Once Ann told you that she was okay with it, you ignored your own reaction as if because Ann said it was okay- then it must have been okay. But your own reaction as indicated in my quote, indicates that you, yourself, believed your exchange with Stef was a betrayal of Ann or at least inappropriate or improper to use your word.

Then you wrote that Stef wrote to you: “how dare you, Ann’s trust is misplaced, knowing that you’re going behind her back infuriates me, you disgust me, don’t ever contact me again.” In Stef’s writing to you she is giving you feedback on the exchagne with her. SHe is telling you right there that you went behind Anns’; back, that is betrayed Ann, that is that you were inappropriate with Stef.

So you got it from two sources: your own self, your own reaction, then Stef and now you are getting it from me. I hope you will examine your motives in your fb interactions with Stef. I hope you re-examine your relationship with Ann, improve your communication with Ann so that you will find out what she truly feels about this (I hope she will tell you) and what you can do to improve your awareness of yourself, your relationship with Ann, and all that needs your awareness and attention.

Best wishes to you, to your children (!) and to your wife:

anita