Dear Sann:

Thank you and indeed it did not enter my mind to try to hurt you in any way when I wrote the last post to you or any of the others. I expressed there my appreciation to how powerful fear is. I am very well acquainted with fear. I felt it this very morning: a cold, freezing sensations, painful here and there, across my chest, very cold and enduring, staying there on and on. Normally I’d go to my head and think scary thoughts but I stayed with the body (recommended in therapy). Instead of thinking I paid attention to how it feels in the body.

Fear has an incredible paralyzing affect and again and again I wasn’t able to do a thing when scared, frozen in place. I still couldn’t do certain things scared. Fear is indeed very powerful.

You wrote above that you told a boss that you are afraid they will think you are slow and lazy and after he told you that this is not what they think, then you felt terrified. You probably think that you introduced the thought they didn’t have- and now have- that you are slow and lazy, correct?

So there is a voice in you calling you slow and lazy and now you are afraid THEY heard it too?

This is an exercise in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): you state a thought: I AM SLOW AND LAZY. Then you write evidence to support this thought and then evidence to refute this thought, like a speech a prosecuting attorney would give and then a defense attorney in a court of law. Then you evaluate both arguments and come to some conclusion…

Will you try that? You can try it here, if you’d like.
anita