Struggling Exchange Student

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This topic has 6 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 1 month ago by Anonymous.

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October 26, 2015 at 5:20 am #86101
Dana
Participant
I’m recent high school graduate on a gap year in Dakar, Senegal. I’m two months in on a ten-month State Department international exchange scholarship program (no coming home for breaks during the year- not even Christmas). It’s a very prestigious program and I was so excited to come, but now that I’m here I hate it. I expected things to be difficult at first, especially since I’ve struggled with anxiety around being away from home in the past, but it’s been two months and I’m still miserable. I’ll have periods where I cry every day for a whole week. The program is centered around high school students and I’m bored out of my mind just sitting in high school all day long. I don’t deal well with boredom, so having nothing to do is causing me so much anxiety. I also have very little control over my diet or how much I exercise, so my mental health is following my physical health down the drain. I feel so sad and irritable and unhappy all the time here.

I believe in living authentically and doing that makes you happy, and that’s what I thought this program would be for me. But instead I’m miserable and I feel like I’m only staying because I’m afraid of what would happen if I quit early and went home. If I leave early, I can’t put this program on my resume. I’d have to explain to everyone why I’m back home early and not in college yet. I’d have to deal with feelings of failure. And I’m afraid I’d be just as bored and miserable at home. I just feel so completely stuck and hate feeling so miserable. I can’t bear the thought of spending eight more months feeling like this until I get to go home. I’m starting to really regret even taking a gap year. I have a great college scholarship lined up for when I get back, but I wish I had just started this past instead of deferring for a year. Any advice for a suffering exchange student?
- This topic was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Dana.
October 26, 2015 at 6:54 am #86103

Peppermint
Participant

Dear Dana, sounds like you are in a difficult situation.
I have been to foreign exchanges three times and it was never as I expected and often disapointing, so I will try to write down what I learned from that, even if I’m not sure if it will help you.

First of all: remember that yes, you do have a choice. You can actually chose to go back home. Yes, your parents/friends/the government(?) might be dissapointed, but actually everyone focuses mostly on themselfs so people will soon forget. Your average parent wants only for you to be happy, so they will probably understand if you explain. You wrote: ” If I leave early, I can’t put this program on my resume.” Thats not such a bad thing. You have only been away for two months. I know for a young person this might be a lot, but it really won’t matter later on. “I’d have to explain to everyone why I’m back home early and not in college yet.” And you will say just what you wrote here: It was not what I expected and I saw no opportunity for me to grow there. People should understand that. So you do have a choice, I think it’s important for you to realize that because now you can stop and think about your other options (you are not “trapped” in this situation).

Which options could that be?

As for leaving: If you went home, what could you do there? Maybe get a small job, do an internship, volunteer, WOOFing? Maybe it’s not too late to do work and travel somewhere, either.

But first I would advise you to think about your options if you stay in Senegal. You are there, you can leave at any time: so what do you still want to do there? Best choice when you are abroad is getting to know people. Volunteer, get a part-time job if you are allowed to, travel, get involved with the other students. However I understand that you have a schedule that you have to follow. Can you volunteer after school?
Also I understand that school is boring you. Do you have an advisor at school you can talk to? Definetly tell him/her about your problem. Also talk with the people from the organization which is organising this exchange and tell them about your problem. Maybe they have solutions. Even better if you come up with possible solutions. They certainly won’t want you to quit.

I don’t know if this is helpful for you. I admire that you allready realized your need for advice to make this opportunity work out for you. A lot of exchange students struggle like you do, even if they won’t show it, but they are too ashamed to say anything which isn’t smart. If you don’t say anything noone can help you.

If you feel like it, let us know what you still want to do in Senegal and we can brainstorm on how to achieve it. But that’s just a suggestion – feel free to write anything you want.

October 26, 2015 at 8:29 am #86110

Joe
Participant

Hi Dana

I can relate to this in a way – I myself spent some time in Spain – three months working as a graphic designer and another month working as an English teacher. While working as the graphic designer was a great experience, my time spent teaching English wasn’t so great and as a consequence my time there was cut short – for me it was an isolating time, I didn’t really like the family I was staying with and they didn’t really like me either which caused a lot of resentment. There are many things I wish I did differently, so I guess I’m going to give you the kind of advice I wish somebody would have gave me.

Have you tried speaking to the programme coordinators about your feelings? They are there to help you out as much as they can – it’s only natural for people to feel homesick and isolated when they are staying in a country and a completely different culture than the one you are used to. It’s probably natural that you want to be on your own sometimes but don’t isolate yourself all the time – I spent a lot of time alone which didn’t really bode well with the host family I lived with.

Does this school offer any kind of extra-curricular activities you could maybe get involved in? Could you offer to maybe help out some of the other students with tuition? Are there any volunteer activities in the local community you could get involved in?

Are you living with a host family? Maybe try talking to them about how you feel. If you are staying with a host family, try and communicate with them as much as you possibly can. Are you living with other students or any other people your age?

I daresay being at a school, they are bound to organize excursions or school trips at some point – this would be a fantastic way of seeing more of Senegal?

I guess my advice is just to really immerse yourself in the culture, keep your chin up and try to make the most of it. You were chosen to participate, you deserve to be there and have a wonderful time. Just try to ride it out – think of all the great experiences you will have, the wonderful people you will meet and the stories you will tell when you come home.

I hope this helps, and I hope you get to do a lot of travelling in the future 🙂

October 26, 2015 at 9:04 am #86115

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Dana:

I did not follow the practical issues here, the pros and cons of leaving and staying. My input is regarding what you wrote here: “I can’t bear the thought of spending eight more months feeling like this until I get to go home.”

I believe you should not stay in the program if indeed your only choice is to be this miserable for eight more months. Either you find a way to change the way you see things (and the feelings will change with a different attitude, set of thoughts) or you leave. Try to look at your situation there with a “beginner’s mind” as if you are seeing it for the first time, with the possibility of seeing something there you didn’t see before, maybe an opportunity for you to develop endurance of boredom, strength in being separated from your parents, some new MOTIVATION in improving your mental well being.

And of course, if you can make changes where you are in what is available for you to eat and possibility of exercising, if you can change the situation just enough to make better nutrition and exercise a possibility, that would be helpful. That could built your confidence, the potential success in you changing in the situation what you can.

anita

October 27, 2015 at 3:45 am #86181
Dana
Participant
Peppermint- Thank you so much for your thoughtful response! It’s very reassuring to hear that I won’t be a failure if I go home. I actually have been trying very hard to do more outside of school (internships, college classes, volunteering, dance classes) and I’ve talked to my local coordinator about it. She’s very helpful in coming up with ideas and supportive- but I’ve been asking her for two months and none of these things have actually happened yet. Things move more slowly in Senegal, but it makes me feel like I’m not a priority of hers and that every time she says “We’ll get that set up for you next week” she actually means we’ll just talk about it again and nothing will ever happen. It’s very frustrating and I know there’s a good lesson to be learned in fighting for what I need, but I feel like I’m just never going to get it no matter how hard I push. The program is being very flexible with me since I’m a gap year student, but I still can’t just go out and do things on my own since it’s a “youth” program and that means I’m relying on her for everything.

J- I haven’t really told them about my feelings yet other than “I’m bored”, but I’ll be sure to bring that up with my local coordinator in our meeting this week. The school has very few extracurriculars, and it’s difficult for me to stay after since I live far away and it can be difficult to get home. I am looking for activities outside of school though. I live with a host family and I really like them, but I’m having a difficult time connecting with them because I’m on the shy side and there’s a big language barrier (I had never studied French before coming here). I have host sisters who are fairly close to me in age but I’m not living with any other exchange students. Thank you for your advice!

Anita- Thank you for your wonderful reply. I have recently started getting more into mindfulness and meditation (which is what led me to Tiny Buddha!) in an attempt to improve my outlook. So far I haven’t seen much a difference, but I figure something like that takes time and effort.
- This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Dana.
October 27, 2015 at 3:59 am #86187

Dana
Participant

Peppermint- I forgot to address this in my first reply, but there’s actually quite a bit I could do if I went home early which makes it all the more tempting. I live very close to a major city, where I’m sure I could find plenty if internships and volunteer opportunities. I could also work on getting my license (which I put off for all of high school), get certified as a yoga or pilates instructor and teach at one of the many nearby studios, do trail maintenance up in the mountains, or go WWOOFing (which would be amazing considering I want to go into a career in sustainable agriculture). I know things probably wouldn’t work out exactly how I want just since that’s how the world works, but knowing I would have so many opportunities at home makes staying in Senegal even harder.

October 27, 2015 at 7:58 am #86197

Anonymous
Guest

Dear danameditation:

You are welcome. Maybe you can start each day with the INTENT to see more than what you saw yesterday, to learn something new about yourself. Motivate yourself anew every morning. Did you see the movie The Groundhog Day, an old movie where the main character is stuck in one place he doesn’t like, living the same day over and over again. He tries to exit that place and that day any way he can, but fails. Once he realizes he is definitely stuck, he starts changing the only thing he can change, his own attitudes, thoughts and behaviors.

anita
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