Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→An unexpected feeling
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Anonymous.
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October 31, 2015 at 3:12 pm #86475
Nina SakuraParticipantWell, here goes – I bumped into someone unexpectedly last week. It was my ex boyfriend to be precise. We had broken up after a 5 year relationship and I cut all ties with him in order to move on. Since then, I did move on and have been seeing someone seriously for the last 2 years as well. However, I felt really weird when I talked to him – uneasy and this bittersweet feeling. I am a little surprised that i felt this way after so long. I am not in love with him anymore – that was over long before the relationship ended but he was my first love and what we had was special though things changed over time. Now he has been trying to talk to me again saying he wants to be friends. I really feel confused and uneasy about this whole thing. Has anyone felt this way after meeting their ex after a long time?
October 31, 2015 at 7:05 pm #86487
AnonymousGuestDear ninasakura:
A long, long time ago, yes, I felt weird bumping into an ex-something. Although you are seeing someone seriously for two years, there is still history ingrained in your brain, history with the other guy of five years. There were emotions with that guy and even though the relationship ended and you haven’t been in love with him for years, you still have memories of having been in love with him. Not dry memories, but emotional memories. Therefore I do not see it odd or strange to experience what you have.
This is why I personally do not like the idea of being friends with an ex boyfriend- those memories can be re-activated in some form or another. Let’s say you and your current boyfriend have a fight of some kind and you talk to your ex boyfriend as “friends”- you may be tempted to get to close to him and regret it later.
anita
November 1, 2015 at 12:51 am #86497Nina SakuraParticipantHey anita,
I agree and have usually broken ties with previous boyfriends because of this – it has been a challenge given that some of them were really good friends but it was important for both of us to really move on. This guy though, I am still mad at him and that surprises me too. I dont think i can go back to being friends with him..with all the previous exes, eventually we did recover the friendship when both of us moved on but in this case, I really have doubts about whether he has moved on. He hasnt dated anyone since we broke up.
Sakura
November 1, 2015 at 8:22 am #86511AnonymousGuestDear Sakura:
It is his job (the ex bf) to move on. It is his responsibility, not yours. Your job and responsibility is to move on yourself.
You wrote that you were surprised by feeling anger toward him. Do you want to elaborate on it? It might be helpful, maybe.
anita
November 1, 2015 at 11:33 am #86520Nina SakuraParticipantIts past stuff that I was angry about – complicated history of a few years, too hard to explain in a few paragraphs. I was surprised to feel that anger when i came in contact with him. I had assumed I was over the past stuff. I guess some people bring out certain anger of the past in us though the present is completely different. However, I dont want to be consumed by my anger like before. I told him point blank that I dont want to be friends with him. My bf too knows about this situation, so it has been sorted out.
November 1, 2015 at 2:34 pm #86521AnonymousInactiveIf I were you, I’d get over it and stop worrying about your ex since you have somebody new for 2 years. Writing about it on here doesn’t show people you have moved on. Your ex is history and you need to be focusing on your new relationship. The past is the past, he no longer exists anymore.
November 1, 2015 at 7:05 pm #86527AnonymousGuestDear ninasakura:
I am glad it has been sorted out. You ran into an old bf, feelings stirred in you, anger, emotional memories were triggered, unpleasant. The past does not disappear. It is gone but it is imprinted in our brain, lay dormant or triggered by present events. It is natural. Let those emotional memories go inactive again.
anita
November 1, 2015 at 11:04 pm #86546Nina SakuraParticipant@elletinker700: Thanks for the reply.
@newlife123: Yep i agree with you. Normally i dont let these things bother me. I guess I was surprised at my reactions. However, it was helpful to get the thoughts out here and accept the stirring. Thank you for taking the time to be thoughtful and give me areas to think about.
November 2, 2015 at 1:29 am #86549AnonymousInactiveBet he’d love the fact he stirred irritation in you.
I’m friends with some of my exes. I find them useful sources of information about myself since they knew me so well. I can take criticism from an ex.
But yeah… that feeling if redundant anger that you can’t process or a feeling on injustice you (a person) wants to confront to release within themselves. .. trouble is who knows where it’ll lead. Some anger you just gotta swallow. Be kind to yourself . Accept the anger. Give it a good think and see if there’s any lesson to be learned and move on.
November 3, 2015 at 12:41 am #86637Nina SakuraParticipant@pomplemous: Hard to say really if he loved the fact that he stirred irritation in me. He seemed like a broken man when i saw him. But anyway, the decision has been made and now i will stick to it.
November 3, 2015 at 9:48 am #86649AnonymousInactiveAtta girl. You’re exes for a reason
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