Marisol,

Wow. My first thought was, don’t contact him again. Don’t sit around and wait for his guidelines and rules and plans, etc.

Then I thought about it, trying to look at it from your perspective.

You had a moment of weakness and gave in and that is alright, it happens.

However, despite how differently he acted, he couldn’t have changed this quick and from the looks of it, you are his back up. What makes me think this? Well, he got a text from another girl. So maybe he’s trying to hook up with her but it isn’t anything solid yet so he’s stringing you along just in case things don’t pan out with her. Otherwise why would he want you to wait another week? He’s had all this time since you two broke up to think about any terms or conditions he might have wanted to put in place with you if you two ever got to talking again, which brings up the fact that he hasn’t really thought about it.

Also, what is it with him wanting to talk about guidelines? If anyone should be setting guidelines it should be you, NOT him. He broke your trust, he cheated on you, he told you to go cry elsewhere and he didn’t want to hear you out. Him telling you that he wants to set guidelines just shows how controlling and manipulative he is. So… My question is… Are you really willing to put up with a guy who is going to set up rules for your relationship with him?

Another thing. Yes, he is wary of committing to you fully. He’s not ready. It shows in his hesitant actions. He says he loves you and wants you to be the mother of his children, which is fine. It’s a lovely thing to hear from someone you love. However, they’re only words. They’re not set in stone and more than likely he only said it to convince you to wait around for him.

Take a look at his actions, he doesn’t know clearly what he wants yet, he wants to set guidelines, he’s telling you it could change, and he’s talking to another girl. Who’s to say there aren’t other girls? His actions clearly depict something contrary to what he is saying.

It sounds like you’d be the trophy wife. You know, like on those shows and cases in which a man marries a good woman because of her values and beliefs and accomplishments but only does it thinking about his public image and children while he has a mistress on the side. That’s what it all looks like it could be.

So, why are you giving him a week and why is he setting the guidelines? If you had wronged him, then yeah, this would be a good way to make amends, to make it up to him. However, he’s the one who left you, betrayed you, ignored you. So, if anyone needs to clear the air and set boundaries and guidelines it should be you.

Think of it this way… What he said to you sounds like this, “call me back in a week. By then I will have a PLAN for US. I will let YOU know the guidelines for how I want this to work out.”

What he said to you is a lot of I’s and not we. That’s not a relationship. That’s far from it. He’s going to dictate what happens and how.

Run. Run away from him as fast as you can.

Everything he said to you was kind and sounded loving and thoughtful, in regards to the children and loving you and the possibility of getting back together. However, he is not involving you in the decision making of how to proceed as friends. That’s not how it works. He’s expecting you to just go along with whatever he says, knowing that you might follow along just because you love him. He’s using it to his advantage.

He has not changed and still has a firm hold on you.

However, I cannot stop you from going back to him. That is all up to you. You could go back to him and realize that he really is willing to change, which I strongly doubt. Or, you could go back and realize he hasn’t changed a bit.

Think it through, and don’t go back to him because you love him and hope it will all work out. Do what YOU KNOW is best for YOU. Analyze the situation, take time to think it through. If after all that, you believe it is best to stick with him, then do so, but tread carefully, things don’t change in the blink of an eye regardless of his good intentions.

If I were in your place, I know how easy it would be to let him back in your life, to give him a chance. All because you love him and hope he has changed. And that’s probably how you’re feeling now. Tempted to go back, hoping that he’s realized that you are worth keeping. However, open your eyes and analyze this as if this was happening to someone else, say a friend. What would you think then?

I honestly think it’s not a good idea for you to go back to him. He has you where he wants. In a vulnerable place, and he knows that. He knows that because you were the one who sought him out.

I hope this all works out for you. Best wishes. Post again with what you decide to do. I really am curious about your response.