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Dear Glo:
You were on the path of healing, evolving, and I believe that because you wrote: “Loving feels like the thing I was born to do.”
Then you got triggered by the scare and you walked off the path and got more scared for being off the path that means everything to you.
You got scared, I believe, and you found a sort of safety in preparing yourself for the worst, so the worst doesn’t catch you by surprise. In being prepared for the worst the old way, you lost the path. For a short time.
To go back on the path, use the current distress as an opportunity for further healing… for relaxing into the understanding of what is real and what you have to endure… and believing you can endure.
Once you engage in healing your current distress you are, at the point of such engagement, you will be back on the path.
Post more, if you’d like.
anita