Dear Masood Khan:

The experiences of two siblings, two brothers in your case, in the same home, can be very different, and often is. For example, when I was a child I was inside the home a lot while my sister, born six years after me, was outside a lot. I experienced my parents’ violent divorce while she was born after it. I took my mother’s pain while my sister was free to make friends outside. I was like the “indoor cat” while she was the “outdoor cat”. My sister appeared healthy as a child and teenager, had lots of friends and was very popular while I was miserable, anxious and had no friends. Later in life and in the present, she is having mental problems while I have been healing for the last five years.

So, your brother not having your problems is the norm, the usual, not proof of anything.

While your parents protected you from other kids, you ended up staying a lot inside your home. What was life then, inside the home? How did you spend your time? What were the interactions with your parents then? Were they anxious, being in a new country themselves? Did you notice that they were afraid?

I am asking this because I am trying to be of some help to you. The patterns of excess fear almost always start in childhood. This is the way it is, the way it is in reality. If we do not look into childhood, we can’t move forward and, in your case, feel calm and safe enough to do things like move to New York or Tokyo.

Hope you reply, and take your time. Your best thinking happens when you are calm. So when you are not, take a few deep breaths and quiet your mind.

anita