that my head was so full of their opinions I didn’t or couldn’t block out seeing thru THEIR eyes

seaisland

that’s exactly how I felt with my older siblings. I was afraid to view the world through my own eyes. I didn’t trust my own instinct. Always check first what they would think. This leads to second guessing yourself, a trait I still have.
Anita thanks for your analysis. re core belief “I still have to pay off my past sins.” It is hard to challenge this one but I am trying to. You’ve made me aware of it at least and I will try to be less masochistic about it now.