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A Decision With No Clear Answer

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  • February 19, 2016 at 2:01 pm #96527
    Finnigan (Finn)
    Participant

    Hello Everyone, you can address me as Finnigan or Finn
    I am a medical student as well as a healthcare professional. Inside of the medical field I have found completeness in the purpose and pursuit of happiness of my existence. I would have never been lead along this path if it were not my spirituality. I am a practician of Northern European (Norse) Shamanism with studies in psychedelic and metaphysical shamanism included. I was at a young age in a constant spiritual/thoughtful state it is how I perceive the universal matrix we call reality that influences all encounters throughout life.

    Aside from my spirituality and purpose forming my identity sadly I suffer from an irritable stomach that has me still eating like a 5 year old (5 bites and I’m so full I wanna puke and then 30minutes to an hour and a half I am starving), lifetime social anxiety, and insomnia.
    I found the solution to my stomach and insomnia which had me extremely fatigued for years through psychedelic shamanism and many other modern and ancient regional practices of marijuana. I sleep great even when I don’t smoke I have established a sleep clock however it’s been many years without more than a few hours without THC, so the prognosis to my insomnia remaining minimal isn’t great because stress has kept me up to the 4 day mark without sleep until I just shut down and oversleep from exhaustion and then feel drained for the next few days. I have a good ritual for sleeping including no electronics 1.5 hours before bed, always a relaxing warm shower and before-bed-dinner.My room is also completely dark and my cats never bother my sleeping I get great sleep when I do sleep.
    I see no way around my stomach issues and thats my professional opinion as an internal med student. Tried everything I could and still use the things that help like papaya. I am 6 foot and 116-118 lbs constant and with marijuana I can easily consume more than a large man in multiple days and I remain extremely energetic and focused when I have a full stomach of healthy food.
    The issue presenting is its become so tiring to hide my social life from everyone at work including no social media. I can not have any indication of my use of marijuana which is strictly out of work by the way everyone. I have also become tired of fearing drugs tests I can dodge everything except a blood test, and heaven forbid that I was ever caught inside work or worse by the boys in blue.
    I am completely restarting my life new job, new degree plan, and I have some negative habits (more like people) that I would like to erase. I still have extreme anxiety in relationships (been cheated on more than I have had faithful) and its been a really long time I don’t know how to invest or where to start. The rest of my social anxiety to all besides those I wanna ask out has cleared out since I used LSD years ago. I think I new start and mindset is what I need for many things in my life should marijuana be included medically and spiritually it is so important but it is keeping away from the secular world which I deem unimportant but then theres the medical field it practically is my spirituality in sense of serving. Medicine men, shamans, bards, and many other various regional healers of ancient and still present today are those who are dedicated to the healing side of shamanism physically. I may have a mind that has trouble helping others spiritually but what I learn through the knowledge and enlightenment I seek endlessly has allowed me to become a regarded medical professional with an impeccable work ethic, service to the community, and I could not have more love for the lives that I see pass on to infinite possibility.
    I’ve been solid using since 5th grade (unsure of age) with only a solid 9-month break for the first woman I’ve ever truly loved(There are two)I can honestly say I can’t envision my life without Marijuana, I can see an emptiness coupled with spiritual and physical hardships nothing beyond. When I reboot my life I don’t know whether to choose career or spirituality. I quit my job, got a new apartment, and have my degree plan open. I honestly don’t know which area of my life I want to prioritize I don’t know if the medical field is possible with my “substance abuse”…………. If I get 3/4 of the way to my M.D. and lose it all or lose an opportunity to even attempt to impact this world so in need of dire help I don;t know how I could ever make it up to myself. If I chose my spirituality what would I do in life that could compare to the dedication of healing that filled my purpose. My personal happiness can not live without purpose, in my mind so such a thing even exists in the human experience.

    February 19, 2016 at 2:53 pm #96532
    Eris
    Participant

    Hi Finn

    I can’t comment on much of what you have written but one things stands out for me so I will play devils advocate for you.

    I can honestly say I can’t envision my life without Marijuana, I can see an emptiness coupled with spiritual and physical hardships nothing beyond.

    This to me sounds like addiction. Coupled with the idea that you would give up/jeopardize the career you love in order to continue taking a drug.

    Do you really, honestly believe that you need marijuana to be spiritual or is it a convenient excuse to use a substance that you want to use.

    Are you sure that you aren’t just justifying to yourself why it is ok to be dependent on a drug?

    Is it stopping you actually dealing with your other issues by providing the safety blanket – how are you sure that the sleeping issues aren’t caused by the drug and the reason you can sleep on it is because it gives a temporary fix to the problems it is causing. Like how caffeine causes you to need more caffeine to get back to the even keel you would have had anyway if you didn’t have caffeine in the first place 🙂

    I guess the only way to know would be to give up for more than 9 months when you were probably swapping MJ for dopamine anyway. Use that time to honestly and properly look at other solutions for your sleeping and stomach issues, try other ways to be spiritual and see if your preconceived ideas about what it would be like, once you go through the struggle of that work, are true.

    If you have used solidly for all your adult life you can’t really answer that question until you do.

    If you do it and do it properly and still feel the same then you will have your answer and have made an informed , uninfluenced decision for yourself.

    Easier said than done I know and if you are addicted your drug dependent brain and body will throw an almightly fit at the very suggestion and come up with a billion really good reason why not to…

    February 19, 2016 at 3:41 pm #96533
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Finn,

    I am so happy you posted your topic, as I can relate.

    “have some negative habits (more like people) that I would like to erase. I still have extreme anxiety in relationships (been cheated on more than I have had faithful) and its been a really long time I don’t know how to invest or where to start.”

    The woman I love, ex boyfriend cheated other her with numerous women, so when we got together it was really hard for her to trust me, thinking that I was cheating or going to cheat which was never the case. Since January of 2011, I never slept with another person/been intimate with anybody else, even up until now. Never believed in it, just not the way that I am. I have very excellent morals in regards to that. I have been cheated on before, so I know how it feels and where you are coming from. Best personal advice I can give you, is that not every person who cares deeply about you is a cheater and it doesn’t mean that it will happen to again with someone new. Just have faith and know, that not everyone behaves this way.

    I have stomach issues too due to poisoning of the GMO’S I ingested since birth, dairy, fast food, processed meats ect. The only cure is a raw vegan diet for me. About marijuana, I have been able to smoke legal marijuana from the dispensary for cramps and help with my digestion, it worked very well for both but then I started to gain weight and having memory loss, even now I am having some issue with my memory because of it, I wasn’t happy about that so we immediately stopped the medical Marijuana. I work so very hard to maintain a healthy weight and diet for my height as well. Luckily I wasn’t addicted or a heavy smoker, so the loss of not using it anymore hasn’t bothered me in the slightest. Medical Marijuana just wasn’t meant for me and I’m completely ok with that. As other natural remedies have helped. I am a little sad that I can’t digest food like everybody else can, without the help of a very high fiber diet, smooth move tea’s and Bio-K probiotics from Quebec, Canada. Really sucks!

    I’m getting better though at fine tuning a few things and listening to my body/stomach when it comes to food. My Chinese practitioner is keeping a close eye on my memory loss in the mean time, in case it might be something else. Hopefully people on here don’t start judging me because of it.

    I’ve never done any heavy drugs in my life, except medical marijuana but that was very rare, here and there since July of 2015.

    I guess only time will tell now. I know 1 tablespoon twice a day of raw coconut oil from Sri Lanka, India. Dr. Bronners Brand and fair trade. Heals the brain and helps regain memory loss. It works, nothing major with memory, just little things.

    Hopefully some of my health tips will help you too.

    M.

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