Dear Sapnap3:

You are tempted to move in with your mother, back to the States, so to not be … an orphan, as you put it. You are tempted to leave behind the life you started to enjoy as a grown woman, so to be a child again, that is to have the feeling of safety that a young child has, sometimes, around the strong and capable Mother?

Ah.. the Fantasy, a very tempting fantasy. I see the attraction.

Only you are not a child anymore and you will never have that fantasy materialize. Your childhood is gone. Your father is gone. And your mother is not and can not be that figure she once was, one to give you the feeling of safety you desire.

Your hurt over your father dying, maybe with some pain, is understandable. Your hurt I wrote here, notice you are the one in pain presently, aren’t you? And this pain is taking you back to a child-mode thinking, regressing.

Can you endure this pain and go back to living your own life in Ireland? There is this line from a movie I watched many times: “We all have it coming.” Death is coming to all of us. Your turn will come, it is just a matter of time. We are all in the same boat in this regard.

Live the life you have left as if it was your life… is it not, your life?

anita