i never figured out how i feel or how to feel. i just feel like giving up. i feel like giving up on myself. i mean i really probably am a fool to think that he would like me better than someone that’s prettier or skinnier than me. and i’m not white so i’m out of the equation most likely. i just feel ugly and worthless. and i want to die. i’m tired of people talking about how there’s other people in the world. i only want this one person. why does god want me to settle less than what i want? what i truly want? this is just all so dumb. for me to think someone would actually give a fuck about me. and to think that i could get anything in return for putting my whole heart out for someone. i don’t get anything. all the things i see and all the things i end up thinking about. i don’t get it but it’s making me upset that i can’t get an answer from anybody. or to get an answer you have to pay for it. to pay for a probable lie. i don’t see how i could be worth anything for this person. i don’t see how they would like me more than they could like someone else. i just want this all to be done with. my life. i just want it to be done with. i’m tired of it all. no one can help me. no one can tell me the truth. no one can tell me if my imagination can become reality or if the things i think are my destiny. i’m tired of myself. i just want to go away. i made a fucking fool of myself and he doesn’t even get it or care probably. i just can’t bear to face the fact that i’m a fucking idiot.