Dear Anita,

One of many emotions that I am going through is shame. Shame of not standing up for myself, for betraying myself and for sacrificing my judgement to value my admiration for my ex. I inflicted wounds on my self esteem for not being assertive for myself and my well being Or the best way to put it is I let her manipulate me.

I understand what you are saying that she had 50% responsibility. But I cannot deny the fact that I avoided confrontation with her because I thought she was just perfect for me. By not accepting my responsibility and not walking away, I stayed and endured. And then cried and begged for her to not leave me, lowest point of my life.

When I look back on it, it gives me the feeling of being weak and pathetic.

Sometimes, like this morning, I get dreams of her, where she is standing with no empathy and saying to me that she is leaving me
and I am begging for her to give me another chance. Again, pathetic and so disempowering.

That’s why I am struggling to forgive myself.

Brav3