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Posts by Johanna Schram

Johanna Schram is a certified life coach and writer who supports fellow humans to stop the people-pleasing and start trusting themselves. She helps people recognize their inherent worth, express themselves with courage and integrity, and connect deeply in relationships. Learn more about Johanna and get access to the free self-trust library at johannaschram.com.

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If You Think You Have to Be a People-Pleaser to Be Kind

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“I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.” ~Plutarch

People-pleasing can seem Iike a way of connecting with others. We believe that if we keep people happy, then they’ll like us and want us around. While it may be true that pleasing others will win us approval and a place in their lives, changing and editing ourselves can’t create the connection we long for.

We confuse people-pleasing with kindness. After all, aren’t we, as people-pleasers, described as too nice? People-pleasing can be seen as giving of …

Why We Feel the Need to Explain Ourselves and Justify Our Choices

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“You are responsible for your intention, not your reception.” ~Amy E. Smith

I’ve realized that I put a lot of energy into trying to explain my decisions. Sometimes those explanations are an honest attempt to connect with another person or to step a little further out of hiding. Often, they are a result of my own self-doubt and desire for people to like me.

For example, I feel an obligation to say yes to any invitation or request I receive. Sometimes I’m glad to agree, other times I’d prefer to do something else. It gets tricky when the thing …

Accept and Value Yourself: 11 Ways to Embrace Who You Are

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“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” ~Brené Brown

I can’t remember exactly what it was my friend was trying to convince me I could do, but I had an argument to counter every bit of encouragement. There was no shortage to the ways I believed I wasn’t good enough.

She was trying to help me see myself the way she saw me—as someone smart, capable, and full of potential. I wasn’t buying it.

I’d been pretending for so long to be a better person than I really believed myself to …

Why I Won’t Tell You to Stop Caring About What Other People Think

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“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” ~Mark Twain

I almost didn’t dye the tips of my hair purple a couple years ago because I was so worried about what other people might think. While changing my hair color was something new for me, basing my decisions on other people’s opinions was not.

I tend to look to others for clues about how I should think and act. Sometimes this shows up in small things, like opinions about movies, music, or clothes. Even when asking big life questions, however, my first impulse is often to wonder what …